Sunday, December 8, 2013

Inside Threat: (Unedited): 08 Dec 2013:

Incomplete work in progress

The greatest threats to your life will always be from inside of you. C.J.MacKechnie
All of the poor decisions you make all have the ability to harm you in some way. Such as occasionally stubbing your toe or knocking things over and etc. This often times re-enforces a false belief that you always are clumsy. Thus, a false belief perpetuated by you and becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. Thus, the harm you cause to yourself is psychological in that case.

For instance:
I'm always a bad person.
I hate math.
I'm accident prone.
I always fail.
There is something wrong with me.
I'm ugly.
Everything turns out bad or wrong.
I'm not a likable or a loveable person.
I'm acting this way because of you or life.
My life is bad, was bad and will always be bad. 
I'm slow.
I'm not smart.
I'm not the correct skin color to make it in this world.
My life is going no where and will go no where because of my family.
I am not lucky.
I am a loser.
I'm afraid of this and that thing or things.

There are many more negative thoughts. Some designed just for you and by you. Some negative thoughts are generated by your doctors, teachers, peers, family and friends. Even though others have said negative things about you and to you. it had to be you who must believe them. Even the actions of others can be negative.
For instance. This is true. I have a tested IQ of about 70. All of the teachers treated me like I was dumb, stupid and retarded. None of my teachers ever tried to teach me anything. Granted this was back in 1970 Florida. So, by their actions I was not worth teaching. None of them ever stated I was dumb, stupid or retarded. None of them ever stated I was worth being taught. It just was a deep down truth that I felt. My adoptive parents believed what the teachers said about my intelligence and saw me as something worthless and useless. Especially when all I can ever hope to do was to work in the service industry.

So. What is the truth? I believed those lies and thus made them true inside of my being. Even in the 10 grade when I learned to read. I knew I wasn't worth teaching. Even past graduation from high school. When my reading level was at the 12 grade. The 2 years of arguing and fighting with my SLD teacher over trying to learn to read. Was all about the past lies believed as truth. I guess she won and I lost. That was even my thought process for a time. She won and I lost. But, what is even this truth?
This personal words are not to be taken as a blame for anyone. This is just my story for you to learn from. I have grown past it. The teachers of my past had to many pupils per class and taking any time with me. Would have caused harm to the rest of them. So, by the teachers perspective. What is right for them and the rest of the class? This is not about who to blame or any finger pointing.
I just wanted to point out the depths of personal deceptions and lies. Believed as truths, even after the lie within is proven to be wrong. Sometimes, people (myself) hold on very tightly to their wrongs and deceptions. because it is all they have. Sometimes always feeling bad and sad becomes so familiar that any good thing encountered is automatically unbelievable and unaccepted. 
 Because, of lies and deceptions in your own life. You have become your own greatest threat. As I had become my own greatest threat.
Musings of an American Truck Driver