Saturday, October 6, 2012

Death Apathy: (Unedited): 06 Oct 2012:

The death of you always begins with a small disease like a single cancer cell. Apathy is such a disease. Which kills your humanity via the contamination of your mind. 
Apathy always begins with the small things. 
Such as taking a small interesting or useful thing which has been lost. Maybe, at work you have a collection of lost and found. You search the lost and found box often for items to take. After all, the excuses you create, justify the theft and you even re-define it as something which is not theft. That makes it all OK. No it doesn't.
Such as lying and cheating, speaking falsehoods which benefits you or creating rumors which is meant to harm another. Cheating in a simple and fun game or even on a minor test in school. You can say it is all OK until you have been caught. Then you begin to rationalize that the only wrong you have done was getting caught. So begins your evolution of becoming a better liar, a better thief and a better cheater. After all it is only wrong if you get caught. 
Apathy is a sweet candy, which tastes wonderful and can be very exciting. Apathy is all about you, your own selfish wants and selfish desires. The feelings of others, the laws of civilization, the laws of morality matters not to you. What you feel is right for you is what you falsely think and falsely believe is absolutely right for you. The disease of Apathy causes you to believe that a lie or falsehood is true and right. The disease of apathy begins to transform you into that wrong thing in which you believe you are. Over time, Over the years and Over the decades, that sweet apathy candy begins to spoil inside your body and mind. 
The disease of apathy takes hold of you. All that you have once loved and taken for granted is long gone. The freedoms you once had is as well long gone as you peer through bars of steel. The health you once had is gone as the physical diseases with immoral behavior is killing your body and isolating you from good people. Through all of the apathy, you have discovered that you are now alone and abandoned. All of the apathetic people whom you have chosen over the good and caring people are gone as well. Your chosen apathetic friends have chosen to reject you. For some delusional reason you think why? why? why? Probably because they were all as apathetic as you. When you can no longer be a source of their entertainment, excitement. They will no longer include you. Just as you have done to others.
Hate and anger wells up. Other negative emotions surface and begin to die as the apathy within you kills off those emotions as well. Numbness and nothingness. There is no more feeling. There is nothing you care about anymore. Not even yourself. Your will to live has become a will to merely exist. Soon that to will be gone. Soon, very soon. It will no longer matter if you are alive or dead. 
All you have now is time. The silence of nothingness cause time to tick away loudly. The logic part of your mind remains intact. So, you begin to reflect upon your life. The life without meaning, purpose and understanding. The logical conclusion of how you have become a waste of life begins to over take you. Even in this self-destructive moment you may not even be aware of the apathy which controls your entire being. You only know your alone and no one cares. Your last choice and your final option leads to your last action. A logical action solely based on the original lie and deception. In which you believed as truth. Something which was so small and so insignificant you no longer can grasp it. So you think the bridge or rail tracks looks good. The trucks zooming under bridges become an option. Even your choice of suicide causes harm to others. As the innocent train or truck driver will never forget how you choose them to kill yourself. The officers and emergency workers who only want to save and help others must retrieve your lifeless body. They know from the discovery of your corpse, That they could not help or save you. You do harm many others with your suicide. Even in your total apathetic nature. You do not care. You do not love.
Th cold quiet end has come. Your family and former good friends have many questions. Forever hurt and harmed they have become. They loved and cared about you and you left them after you walked away.  Into that lifestyle, into that world of crime, into the dark shadows of immorality. You choose it and you choose to leave your own family and friends. You choose the addictions over your own family.  Its funny how the truth always comes out after a suicide, after a death from disease or execution. 
Your suicide does not end with your death. Those young ones now see your actions as a possible opportunity for their own life if they make a wrong decision. Even in your death, suicide will live on within the family and friends you have abandoned. Your suicide may even lead to the total disintegration, death and extinction of your whole family. 
Your dead and gone, But not really. Your just dead and now you get to see the conclusion of your life's actions. Through the healthy hearts of your loved ones. You get to feel all of their pains and sufferings. The apathetic disease does not follow you into that which continues after this death of yours. There is continuation. With the apathetic disease dying inside your old dead body. You get to feel everything. Can this be the hell which awaits you? Feeling all of the pain and suffering you have caused in your former life walk?  What shall you do now? Await hells fire and damnation as defined by Christian preachers and pastors. Create you own hell as you begin to dwell on the life's hell you have caused those you still lives and endures on? maybe both? 
Reject all sin and flee from it, right now. Apathy is the active war zone in which the innocents flee from. Even when the innocents flee from the war zone. There pain and suffering may forever be evident upon them. Though they still live.
Reject from yourself all lying and cheating. Reject from yourself all immorality and crime. Reject from yourself all dishonor and unholiness. Seek the truth of the TEN COMMANDMENTS and know it is all about a life worth living and not just an exercise in control and authority.
For those of you who read. Thank you for enduring through my improperly strung together words. Please know the message is important and not the how it was written or even the messenger.  I've not had the benefit of a proper education.
Adding and deleting of content will happen from time to time.
A whole boat load of editing will also happen.
There is no Ink and no copies.
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Musings of an American Truck Driver