There is a reason why I write these. They are incredibly personal and after 30+ years. I'm still having them. Although not in the intensity of my younger adulthood. These are for my family. I do believe all of the bad, sad and ugly is important for the generations to come after me. Needs to know. This is not just a revelation. This is about wisdom as well. there is wisdom in these which needs to be sifted out and learned.
In my younger life. There has always been drinking, legal mind altering drugs and cigarettes involved. Well, the adoptive parents were involved with all of that.
===========================
A gentle flashback, but still a flash back. I had an opportunity of witnessing/observing some physically gifted young people who are in trouble with their grades. In order for them to play their sport. The school provides them with an after school study hall. With at least three adults to help out. One adult was the senior teacher of them all. Well, the kids were acting very immature. They had their technology watching some adult content and others typing away. There was no effective studying or tutoring going on. For one hour the teachers were struggling with the students and apparently this has been going on forever. Just amazing and for me the flash backs began.
Let me finish. I asked the senior teacher how many of her sports students would go to college for free if their grades were good enough. She said about 30-40 percent. That just hit me. The realization of the genuine cost to our young people who have become so immersed with culture and society that it robs them of their future. These young people do not care about the future let alone their own. Can you imagine being born with such a gift of having the probability of free college and then maybe the possibility of a professional career in a sport. Yet, these kids do not even see. The elder teacher then told me of their current star sports youth and how he started as a freshman. Then bad grades for two years and he couldn't play. Then in his senior year he started again. I was told that he probably could go to a junior college for two years and "Then Maybe", he will get recruited by a college team. But, with your high school history. Coaches may not be able to trust in his recruitment.
Then the story about his older brother. Who was also physically gifted and he never left the county. He volunteers for his sport as some kind of coach. The elder teacher said, Their parents always show up for the games already smelling of strong alcohol. What are the odds of this young man leaving the county. He probably won't.
---------------------
Can you imagine becoming so immersed into a memory. That you no longer realize which reality is most real. That is how my flash backs used to be. Now, they are just memories of how my life used to be.
Growing up I had zero opportunities for a fair education. Zero opportunities for anything athletic. This is because of my life with my adoptive family.
I was always told to go to bed at night. I guess this would be typical for many young people. To much energy was within me. To much distrust and to much fear. I locked myself into my room and turn on the small black and white TV. The bedroom window prepared for easy and fast escape. If and when my adoptive parents would began fighting as was usual.
Can you imagine a young child creating an escape plan. Not even being able to use the bathroom for fear up being caught outside of the his bedroom. Because, I would become her target of physical violence and her attention in that regard was unrelenting. It was almost. If I was out of sight. I was out of her mind. My black WEBCO bike was along my wall. Ready for my escape. Batman was always ready.
The ear plug plugged into the TV and clothing under the door to block the light. The distraction of the TV seemed to be the distraction I needed in order to ease my fears. Will I become involved in their fighting tonight and how long will I be beaten. Will I die. When I did leave out the window of my bedroom. I usually went to Shakey's Pizza, Burger King, The drive-in and behind the movie theater (Popcorn). This stops were for thrown out food and entertainment.
----------------------
If your a regular reader of any of my writings. You already know. I do not write very well. I did not have a fair opportunity for an education. Neither for sports. In which I think I would have done well in both. So when I see gifted youth just ignoring their gifts, ignoring their futures and ignoring any hopes and dreams. It just hurts to watch. Especially today, when there seems to be so much free money out there for those who were willing to do the work in High School. A young person today. Can effectively earn a deferred income for college. In the tune of up to $45 thousand per year of college scholarships, plus certain other perks.
======================
At the top right of my blogger page
is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired
from it. Please help me out with just a little something. Anything is
greatly appreciated and welcomed.
========================
“Musings of an American Truck Driver”:
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0985310308
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
===================
Showing posts with label Flash Backs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flash Backs. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Early Morning flashback: (Unedited): 17 June 2014:
About (7A.M.) this morning. Adults Discovered two young children (3-4Yr. old's)
walking alone in their night clothes. Rowen/hwy 54 Dollar General
parking lot area. The woman from the dry cleaners took responsibility.
Another woman was able to get the little girl before she could approach
Hwy 54. Saving their lives. An outstanding Pasco deputy already at the
dry cleaners next to the Pasco Sheriff's substation.Please
pray for these children. It was obvious to me that the little girl was
angry. Not scared and not upset. The little boy was scared and remained
with the dry cleaning lady as the little girl walked away from adults as
she was going towards Hwy 54. She almost made it past the CVS Pharmacy.
That is how close she was from the main HWY.
New Port Richey, Florida. 34655
Pasco Square
https://www.google.com/maps/@28.2175402,-82.6936344,227m/data=!3m1!1e3
There have been many deaths along this stretch of Hwy 54 in the last many months.
==================================
This is how a flash back can begin as it has done with me this morning. I immediately remembered and almost being a young child again. Both adoptive parents hung over from a night of drinking and fighting and I often times awoke to the silence of the morning. It is amazing how loud the silence can be. The strangeness of silence, almost unnaturally disturbing. No one to see to my needs or fix me breakfast. Unable to wake them up. So, outside I go as often was the case. Although much older than the two children of this morning. Maybe 6 or 7 years old. Not to be seen or heard from for hours. They never cared enough to inquired as to my whereabouts. I guess they knew I would be back eventually. This of course would lead to needing money for food and I would take some money out of dad's wallet. I did that when I could other times. I was eating out of trash cans behind the Burger king, Clearwater 4 movie theater and a pizza place down the road on Gulf to bay Blvd, in Clearwater.
Sometimes i would go to my friends house a couple of doors down to sit with Jeff. Eat cereal and watch cartoons. That was if he was awake and they didn't go out on their boat. Yes, I was up that early and outside. riding my bike around and not seeing anyone awake or outside. I guess I was fortunate enough to live in a good neighborhood and being adopted my a dad who had a good job working with rockets. Dad always had cash. That is what defined our relationship. His cash. I never wanted his cash. Just his love and acceptance. Which i never have gotten. A guy as intelligent as he was to adopt a child for his wife. The paper work on my adoption even said at least a high IQ along with other lies about the biological parents. Those lies made for a good sell of a baby. Dad knew he was deceived in taking this baby with an IQ of about 70.
I remember we had wicker type of furniture for furniture as well as a green recliner chair for dad. I would hide their liquor bottles and beer under the furniture and in other places in the house. They never even realized until one day I saw dozens of liquor bottles on the cabinet counter. I guess this is the thinking of a child. If I hide the liquor and beer they will stop drinking. I even did that with the boxes of cigarettes.
==================================
The early morning travels I went on with my bike. The freedom was exhilarating. Can you imagine a 6-8 year old kid riding a bike from the area around the Clearwater campus of St.Petersburg college to Clearwater Beach, Clearwater mall, Countryside mall, Safety Harbor, Dunedin. Hiding under the railroad tracks under US Hwy 19. Those were my stomping grounds. I was never even aware of homeless people and some of the dangers that were around. But, I always had that spider sense which would stop me and cause me to alter course. Maybe, That spider sense was really an angel watching over me. When no one else was. I should not have survived my childhood. There is no logical way I should have. Especially, when The adoptive mother tried to kill me many times. But, That was several decades ago.
Today, I have a family with children.
It is never Gods fault for whatever bad and sad things have been done to you. It is always the fault of bad people doing bad things to you. It isn't even your fault. Just as it wasn't my fault. If they had not of adopted me. They would have adopted someone else and all of those bad things to that other unknown child.
--------------------------------
I've done a little research on my adopted dad. If he had accepted a senators invitation to go to a premier military academy after high school. Then he would have never met his insane wife. Yes, Dad was that intelligent. To be recognized as that intelligent by a state politician. He could instantly do any math in his head faster than you could pull out your calculator brains from your techno nerd shirt pocket. I think when you are born with a profound gift. Maybe, you are supposed to use for the benefit of humanity. Even if your a pacifists.
-------------------------------
That's all. The flashback seems to be over now.
New Port Richey, Florida. 34655
Pasco Square
https://www.google.com/maps/@28.2175402,-82.6936344,227m/data=!3m1!1e3
There have been many deaths along this stretch of Hwy 54 in the last many months.
==================================
This is how a flash back can begin as it has done with me this morning. I immediately remembered and almost being a young child again. Both adoptive parents hung over from a night of drinking and fighting and I often times awoke to the silence of the morning. It is amazing how loud the silence can be. The strangeness of silence, almost unnaturally disturbing. No one to see to my needs or fix me breakfast. Unable to wake them up. So, outside I go as often was the case. Although much older than the two children of this morning. Maybe 6 or 7 years old. Not to be seen or heard from for hours. They never cared enough to inquired as to my whereabouts. I guess they knew I would be back eventually. This of course would lead to needing money for food and I would take some money out of dad's wallet. I did that when I could other times. I was eating out of trash cans behind the Burger king, Clearwater 4 movie theater and a pizza place down the road on Gulf to bay Blvd, in Clearwater.
Sometimes i would go to my friends house a couple of doors down to sit with Jeff. Eat cereal and watch cartoons. That was if he was awake and they didn't go out on their boat. Yes, I was up that early and outside. riding my bike around and not seeing anyone awake or outside. I guess I was fortunate enough to live in a good neighborhood and being adopted my a dad who had a good job working with rockets. Dad always had cash. That is what defined our relationship. His cash. I never wanted his cash. Just his love and acceptance. Which i never have gotten. A guy as intelligent as he was to adopt a child for his wife. The paper work on my adoption even said at least a high IQ along with other lies about the biological parents. Those lies made for a good sell of a baby. Dad knew he was deceived in taking this baby with an IQ of about 70.
I remember we had wicker type of furniture for furniture as well as a green recliner chair for dad. I would hide their liquor bottles and beer under the furniture and in other places in the house. They never even realized until one day I saw dozens of liquor bottles on the cabinet counter. I guess this is the thinking of a child. If I hide the liquor and beer they will stop drinking. I even did that with the boxes of cigarettes.
==================================
The early morning travels I went on with my bike. The freedom was exhilarating. Can you imagine a 6-8 year old kid riding a bike from the area around the Clearwater campus of St.Petersburg college to Clearwater Beach, Clearwater mall, Countryside mall, Safety Harbor, Dunedin. Hiding under the railroad tracks under US Hwy 19. Those were my stomping grounds. I was never even aware of homeless people and some of the dangers that were around. But, I always had that spider sense which would stop me and cause me to alter course. Maybe, That spider sense was really an angel watching over me. When no one else was. I should not have survived my childhood. There is no logical way I should have. Especially, when The adoptive mother tried to kill me many times. But, That was several decades ago.
Today, I have a family with children.
It is never Gods fault for whatever bad and sad things have been done to you. It is always the fault of bad people doing bad things to you. It isn't even your fault. Just as it wasn't my fault. If they had not of adopted me. They would have adopted someone else and all of those bad things to that other unknown child.
--------------------------------
I've done a little research on my adopted dad. If he had accepted a senators invitation to go to a premier military academy after high school. Then he would have never met his insane wife. Yes, Dad was that intelligent. To be recognized as that intelligent by a state politician. He could instantly do any math in his head faster than you could pull out your calculator brains from your techno nerd shirt pocket. I think when you are born with a profound gift. Maybe, you are supposed to use for the benefit of humanity. Even if your a pacifists.
-------------------------------
That's all. The flashback seems to be over now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)