Tuesday, August 26, 2014

25 Aug 2014 Flasback: (Unedited):

All of a sudden. There I am in many paces at a single moment of time. All of them based in my own sense of loneliness within this world of many. Even in those places where fun isn't supposed to be so lonely.
Walt Disney,  Busch Gardens.

My adopted dad took me to these two theme parks only once each. In each case. He refused to ride any rides with me. It seemed like I had to drag all through the parks and knew he really didn't want to be there or with me.  How is this important in the grand scheme of things? Just the sense of loneliness I have always felt in life. Not ever having anyone who truly wanted to share a positive childhood with. If you have read some of my other personal notes you may know the rest.

Flashbacks will come and go and it is of importance to deal with each one in a timely and safe manor with a strong and sober mind.
Sometimes humor just works even if it is from a lizard.
Sometimes your current life is a lot different then it was. Simply because I choose not to drink, smoke, drug or medicate. In which all of those things would have taken from me the ability to heal from those woes of long ago. Those decisions were that important. To do those things would have inhibited in some way the happiness that I wanted.

Sometimes you have to just change the way things are to the best you can. Even if your best may not be good enough for your own children and wife. Because, deep down you know they all deserved much more then you could ever provide for them. Such is one of the reason for all of my writings. It is all for them and for the next new generations.
When you have nothing and no one. You just have to do all you can without rest and just hope with all of the hope you can muster that your efforts will eventually work. Even if those efforts are only realized through your adult children and Grand Children.
This is how you combat, confront, conquer any PTSD related events. You must endure them with a sober mind. Is it fun to be drug and or medication free. Nope. It is the best choice for eventual freedom from the bad and sad of your former life. That is also another key. You must choose to make all of the bad and sad, your former life.

So, if that means you need to obtain an education. Then go and get it. Beyond that which you think you need today. Just to prove a point to yourself. That your greater than any minimum standard. After all, You have already survived what truly a bad and sad situation really was. Aren't you that much stronger than the average and normal. So, do not fall into that trap or box of wanting to be average or normal. Your much much more than that. The average and normal may not have the strength or courage to endure or even survive what you have had to in this life. I the writer of this may not have been able to endure or survive your life of woes. So, seek and find solace in that.
The difference between a spiritual attack and a PTSD. A PTSD is one created by your entire memory of the event. You experience everything. The sounds, The smells, The emotions, The actions, The visions and much more. Sometimes the PTSD can be so intense that somehow you believe you are actually there even though you know you are not. Which brings logical conflict and confusion to your own mind.  You may even confuse others as those who wanted to harm you and take action upon them. The intensity is very high.
The spiritual attack is somewhat different. The demonic spirits which begin an attack upon you are not perfect and thorough in their attack. The simulated PTSD or spiritual attack seems to be much less in the use of complete memories. The entire experience of a spiritual attack is lacking in the sounds, the smells, the emotions, the actions,the visions and much more. The spiritual attack occurs because you have began some sort of righteous journey in life or maybe you are about to decide to begin a righteous journey. So the spiritual attack pieces together all of your memories. In the hopes that you believe these inserted false memories are your own. If you believe, your own brain will or should fill in the rest of the information of their attack upon you. The logical part of your own brain, if you choose to listen to that part will send up warnings that something is odd in some way. That is when you should take the time to just stop, to just pray and to just meditate. Just by doing so. The spirits who are attacking you become embroiled and know of their failure. Because, their attack upon you was purposed to prevent you from continuing on the righteous path and yet you logically resorted to being righteous right then and right now. The essence of a spiritual failure on the fallen ones part. Always know that many of these fallen ones are greatly superior to any human being. Yet, for all of their superiority they failed with you. Your victorious in that one attack.
Then repeat your righteous actions and live your righteous life.
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Musings of an American Truck Driver