Thursday, December 18, 2014

Beautiful Emergence: (unedited): 18 Dec 2014:

Those persons who become entrapped by their own self conceived anxiety may never emerge from their darkened chrysalis as a beautiful butterfly. 
It seems to be easy for us human beings to become anxious over many many things.
The psychology of being cared of everything, any thing or many things. seem to be common amongst people. Everyday, I meet people who are scared of something or many somethings.
I met a young woman who actually turns her back to the world and resides within her own self created fantasies. To the degree that if she forgets to eat or drink it is just not a valid concern. Well, you can see where this can lead to. So, if someone who notices that she isn't eating or drinking and goes and gets it for her. She becomes offended but she still eats and drinks what is in front of her.
I myself still get very anxious if anyone pays any attention to me.  I do not even desire any sort of accolades of any sort. I still do not have birthdays or celebrate them. Just the fact that people would all of a sudden pay attention to me is just to overwhelming for me. There is a story behind it and much psychological conditioning as well. I'm pretty much over it, I think. But, I have conditioned those around me to not to celebrate my day of birth and I've said nothing about it. Which is also a possible sign that I still do not desire the attention. But, I can go to any other sort of party and it won't bother me. So as long as I'm useful or along the perimeter. I think a big part of that is being a very sensitive empath. If to many people are focused upon me. Then it's like sitting directly in front of very large concert speakers at a high volume.

Physical contact used to be a very real cause of anxiety for a number of reasons. Physical control which equates to eminent physical danger. This is directly related to my adoptive mother who beat me on a regular basis. The arm grab. Which led to the beatings if I could not escape. Did she already have a belt or not? A belt meant a long time. The hand on the head meant knocked out quick. If she was indecisive, then escape was possible.
Physical contact is also difficult for me in another way. The wind is the wind of oneness to the normal person. When the wind blows upon you, you feel one wind. When the wind blows upon my skin. I feel every single hair follicle reacting to the wind or even the temperature differences of sun light and shadow. So one grab on the arm was essentially a thousand grabs all at once. Loose clothing feels traumatic to me.

Sounds have also caused me anxiety. For in a room full of people. I could hear many different conversations at once and keep up with them. I could also feel many more emotions. A walk in the mall can cause me more anxiety then lets say a college game with 80,000 people. The 80,000 people are typically of one mind and emotion. The people in the mall can have a variety of mindsets and emotions. So crowds are not something i prefer encounter. Though now I am better at it and can adapt to crowds much better now. Which is based solely on the awareness and development of my gifts. Many young people have gifts and know not they have them. Which becomes curses to them.
I also had a gift for music. To the degree that I could hear in between the notes and individual instruments. Which was never realized.

I had much anxiety as a child. Being very small. I tended to stay away from any person or groups.

Each of us is a beautiful butterfly. Even before we enter into the Chrysalis as a fat caterpillar. That which becomes beautiful must have already been beautiful to begin with. That which is ugly in mind, in heart and in spirit. May in fact be physically beautiful. But, this will only happen for a short while. Until the ugly mind, ugly heart and ugly spirit completes the transformation into total ugliness. So always be on your guard and reject anything which is ugly while accepting all that is beautiful. You will surely become what you take into you.

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