This may be very obvious to most everyone.
We all exist in this current moment in time and it has already gone. Just like the old movie strips is how we live our life. Which is only when the light of life shines through each of us. Just as what has passed has become dark and the future is yet dark and uncertain still. This is how we experience life. All of our natural senses only work when the light shines through the film of our life for that brief moment. Then all of what has already been lived. Only resides in our memories. Then what is about to be cast into the light is one of three things, Prophetic, probable, possible. Some may even add the forth word which is planned. No matter how much you plan. The film sequence of your life can be altered without any approval from you. Accidents can and do happen. Even those accidents only last for a singular moment in time. Then you are forced to move on. Unless you decide to remain within the confines of your memories. In which I have in order to understand the why's of my youth.
Remaining in the memories of your own bad and sad. Can and will only perpetuate your overall sadness. Unless you have the strong will to analyze what has happened to you from a position of logic and reason. Even still from the position of logic and reason. You can realize the fact that once I was unloved, un-cared for and unwanted. That once I was deemed unworthy of education. That I was once thought of as dumb, stupid and retarded. Even from that self decided space in your brain of logic and reason. How can you still not be sad, unhappy as well as all of those other negative words??
Really, think about that for a moment. If you were to disassociate yourself from your emotions. Then you suddenly become less than human. Is that really the goal. To become less than or to evolve than what you were a single moment ago. Because, as of right now. The only light which shines upon the old film of your life is that which is only from your memory. The truth of what has happened to you is now gone. Even as the years go by all of those who have done bad and sad things to you. Most likely do not even think of you or the pain they have brought to you. In which you have decided to continue to live through.
I can attest to you. That I have gone through all of the logic. I have spent much time in prayer and tears. I have come to realize two things. It is not the fault of God and bad people do bad things.
Then you have to not expect any kind of apology from bad people. Because, bad people don't really care about anything outside of their own bodies. So don't hold your breath and don't put your life on hold for them either. Because, a good loving relationship with your parents and family. May never ever happen. Just do your best to get yourself into that mental and spiritual place to forgive them in silence and march forward. Begin to build your new family. In which you can become the wise old matriarch or patriarch. That would be the ideal goal? right? To have a family in which they all desire to have a daily personal relationship with one another. A good family with honor, integrity, honesty and morals as some of the foundation stones to your new family.
Even if you do come from a family of ugliness, abuse and torture. From those fires of great torments. Can you become a saved remnant of them which shall all pass away into nothingness. Not even to be worthy of anyone's memories or history. Purpose and meaning is a sign of a bright future. Where as those without purpose or meaning in life will only find nothingness. To merely exist or survive in life is not thriving in life.
So no matter how bad and sad your life has been. Find your hope and hold onto that courage you had which made you to survive. Even if it was only barely survived. Then decide this day. To do more than survive as the victim. Stop being the victim. The victim that you were is now in the past. There is nothing really to understand why? You were only just the body present and if it was not you. Then it would have been someone else, Even a pet. So all of that which you had suffered. It was never ever about you. It was all about them or him or her.
Just know that you were stronger than all of those who did mistreat and abuse you. You were and are victorious. Even if you do not feel like it. Just ask anyone who has ever been in a hard fight and was deemed victorious. How they feel? They feel like they have been in a fight. Sometimes, even when the fight is over. New ones begin. Ask or watch any wounded soldier/warrior. Find your new found strength in them. Even those wounder warriors are just like you. Even if you had not fought a defined enemy in some far away land. Still you had to fight daily to survive as they had to.
Musings of an American Truck Driver