Survivalists/Militias Dream: (Unedited): 02 June 2023:

I had a dream last night and I saw how survivalists/militias groups began to war with all who had come into their presence. Their willingness to rape, abuse, torture, take and kill anyone who would just say no or to disagree with them result in murder. The spirit of Cane has overtaken the survivalist/Militias groups and it does not matter how many Bibles is with them or how many Bible studies have been done. Once you begin to do as you will it. You are absent of God and have become a god. You are wrong. 

The survivalist/militias groups have become the law and the defining power of order expressed. Any group or person which disagrees with their will becomes their next victim. You are wrong. Your purpose and intention is for protecting everyone from harm and suffering. You are not to be a source of harm and suffering to any degree.

I saw abuses, tortures and rapes. I saw militarized and organized killings. I saw entire groups getting killed and there was no need or justification other than the will of the dominant survivalist/militias groups intention. 

Then at the end of the dream I saw calm and death all around as time was given more to battles and wars than was given to life and farming practices. Extinction.

In the secret places I saw Holy Bibles. I saw where the survivalists/militias groups had their Bible studies and worshiped God. Yet, I sensed an emptiness as there was the same emptiness of love, mercy, compassion and any form of goodness. 

Ye, survivalists/militias must go forth and love one another. Which means you shall not cause or inflict any harm or suffering towards anyone. You are to protect those who will be the ones who inherit the Earth.

Any person and any group who goes forth with a violent heart, violent mind and violent actions. Shall not survive anything and will be thrown into the depths of Hell. So while you will violently die in this one physical life. You will also suddenly awaken in Hells everlasting torment. All because of your own inherent pride, supremacy, ego and arrogance. 

Those survivalists/militias who do protect those chosen souls who remain hidden and in secret. It shall be your task to guard and to protect those who remain hidden. You shall not reveal yourself to anyone. You shall not even reveal their existence or whereabouts to any other living soul. You shall only guard and protect. You shall even discretely move your troops in another direction. If you happen to survive when the chosen ones open their doors. You shall not allow any of the chosen any degree of familiarity with yourself. You shall not be a friend and you shall not be known by any of them. You shall not intervene or participate in their own self determination. 

==========================

To the survivalists and militias. If you happen to read this. You must have planted more of each kind of edible and medicinal plants than the total amount of bullets of every caliber and gauge you dream of having. 

C.J.MacKechnie 

If you do not. Then this is one aspect of each of you not physically surviving.  

What this means is if you dream of having a total of 1 million bullets of every caliber and gauge. Then you must plant one million of each kind of edible and medicinal plant. This does also include resource trees. Then for every one tree felled. You plant more than ten more in it's place and it does not matter if the tree was already dead.

==================

Please help if you can. Thank You.

Cash App $vikingscotsman

==============

REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!

====================

Go and sin no more.

================
To avert all of the coming bad and sad prophecies. We each must decide to do the following everyday, every hour, every minute and every second.

To Love one another.

To live in peace with everyone.

To exist in harmony with all.

To Cherish all life.

To be obedient to the Laws of God.

To become righteous and holy by the accepting eyes of God only.

All without any pride, ego, arrogance, supremacy and entitlements.
=============

Expanse Amos Burton: (Unedited): 01 Aug 2020:

Amos Burton Quote: "I am that Man".
The world is a very bad place and the world is a bad place simply because of the life decisions of humanity. The Earth is a good place, still a good place but was a much better place. If humanity wants to continue to live on Earth then all of the people need to decide on how to properly live their lives in accordance to the purity of these words: love, peace, harmony and life, which is what the science fiction series Expanse basically communicates.
In the Expanse, humanity has populated the solar system. Social, political, financial and cultural  class structures still exist in the solar system. In every case there are those who define the worth of life, and the life which is personally defined as less than or simply unworthy, those souls die.
In the expanse every manner of sin is expressed as a right and directly associated with freedom. People can have many spouses. Even the lead character genetically has many people as his parents. Aspects of Christianity are severely mocked, which is easy to do as Christianity does not go out and kill people anymore. Even the Mormons are abused as the Belter faction forces out the Mormons, steals their space church, puts guns on it and then call it a warship.
The rampant nature of sin is prevalent in the Expanse. All manner of adult themed content is expressed as permissible in some or every way as well as the belief that adult themed content being paid for is OK. (Clean enough?). The crimes associated with all manner of sin is still in existence. Police forces are incorporated as forms of businesses, just like how for profit prisons have been incorporated today in our real world. Incorporated police forces are basically hired thugs or military mercenaries in the Expanse. Remember the recent North Dakota stand off from the oil companies and the indigenous tribes from around the world? Where the government paid for military weapons like an air defense weapon that was aimed at people who had no weapons? Basically when you have no actual police forces, there is no justice for anyone except for those who hold all of the power and authority. Think about that. Crimes run rampant and the corporate police just maintain public stability for the benefit of the corporation and the alliances of many corporations. People in the Expanse seem to have no representation and on Earth no real hope as the population reaches tens of billions of souls with nothing to do but exist. Existence is not surviving and not thriving. The worlds leaders all seem to have amazing properties, wealth and freedoms to do as they want and please. Just like the leaders of the world today who want to have clean adult encounters with fresh young bodies. So enters the character Amos Burton in the Expanse.

Amos Burton the nonredeemable character. Amos Burton will do what is necessary to get the job done. Amos Burton is for killing anyone who needs to be killed. He is a man who has already died and who has no family, no support and no friends except for Naomi Nagata. Amos Burton becomes unable to feel at the age of five. Amos Burton becomes robotic like and does not even seem to care to live or die. Can you understand that living or dying means nothing? So far in the Expanse the history of Amos Burton is mostly unknown except for the hint of being a broken child and of severe abuse.
There are a lot of psychological issues that I see with Amos Burton that I have seen in my own self. Even at 54 years old about 33% of my life has been under abuse and/or torture. Think about it. Read the about me section for more basic info: I would suppose that is why I like the character as excellently portrayed by the actor Wes Chatham. The biggest problem I have is the familiarity with the character, which has brought on some minor PTSD moments(more than one). Even the actor Wes Chatham has had a troubled life to some degree as he was kicked out of a high school, and I was kicked out of many or most of them from elementary school onward. For a while I was the youngest to be in a (JDC)juvenile detention center and my only crime was surviving bad parents. So he and I may have some actual life commonalities. I find it interesting.
I guess those are the reasons why I identify with the character of Amos Burton. I can personally relate to his psychology as having already been there and done that except for the killing.
The numbers of abused children around the world who have grown into adulthood have gone on to live as best as they can, while many abused are still homeless, mentally ill and/or in prison. Because of the Amos Burton character, I think many who have been abused and tortured in their own childhood will favor the Amos Burton character and watch to see if Amos can be redeemed. Then maybe, if Amos can be redeemed, the abused in the world can be inspired to regain their own humanity. Maybe through Amos abused people can be inspired to find their own healing. Maybe through Amos abused people can be inspired to discover how to become whole for the first time in their lives. But, we will see what happens with the writers of the show and how they expand and further define the Amos character. I hope the Amos character doesn't get killed off. I do think the enduring nature of Amos should be continued. No matter how many times Amos is shot he always continues on. As I write that my mind fills with all of the times I should have died. I need more fingers to count all of the times I should have died. Like Amos, abused and tortured souls always get back up and always go forward. It is their enduring nature.
I was just thinking about my job site the other day and how a threat presented itself. The boss man had to reign me in. I'm not in charge of anything and at 54 years old still only make $10. per hour. But, when I begin to care about those who have become important to me I do become like a yard dog. Willing to sacrifice everything in the extreme for those whom I care about. The threat backed down. The boss man and the rest of the team know that I have their backs. Something that they do not even have to ask to have as is with the character Amos as defined by the actor Wes Chatham. I do anticipate the next season.
----------------------------------
The expanse is science fiction and not something which even relates to actual prophecy. Prophecy does not indicate that humanity even leaves the Earth. Prophecy does say that humanity does become extinct except those chosen and saved by God. God uses these words to define His choices: holiness, righteousness and cleanliness (more than physical) all founded in love, peace, harmony and an importance sense of life. But maybe humanity does get to walk on Mars as we had walked on the moon. But, when God calls the end of sin then all of those who refuse and reject the holy ways in life will end.
--------------------------------
The videos below depict severe violence and bad language.
Generation Films: This is the one you should watch more than any other below.
https://youtu.be/ZzgP6i4knhE
Here Be Dragon: 2+ hours. UGH. It was a live show. I wasn't listening.
https://youtu.be/E19V_vZWvps
Adaigo !:
https://youtu.be/usxnfodhBNQ
https://youtu.be/T1jT0fWyVT8
Amazon Prime: Better produced. Bad Language warning.
https://youtu.be/eNr0tg4hZvw
Alexandros Mandravillis: I am that guy and Gratitude. My descriptions.
https://youtu.be/eNr0tg4hZvw
https://youtu.be/TjlV_QKTcoM
Deterrence: How about right now.
https://youtu.be/gtVV-R6KaGc
Obscure Reviewer: Best Character
https://youtu.be/2UoSQd2bEjM
===========================
Added on 02 Aug 2020: https://youtu.be/BlDJUKCx7F8
Survival of the abused is an everlasting and enduring effort that can never end. Life becomes easier when you surround yourself with people who are trying to be good in-spite of their own flaws and inadequacies. Once you realize that the abuses you had endured was never about you. You were just the body present. It was always about the abuser and if you weren't present it would have been another person who was to be abused in your place.

When I woke up and still in the dark after a panic filled abusive event. The closet was calm and quiet. The outside was calm and quiet. I looked under the door to see the light. Everything that was touching me was just clothing on hangers and what was now on the floor. This is when I realized that I was safe and not being abused, harmed and hurt. One of the few times I was not knocked out.

======================

Anguished Soul: (Unedited): 07 April 2017:

Flashback warning!!!!!

Much bad and sad memories. Do not read if your not really wanting to know. If you work with the abused and tortured. Read on hearty soul saver.

===========

The anguished soul who has only known abuse and torture. May receive your loving reproof with fear, anger and panic. They may not even understand the concept of love.

C.J.MacKechnie

=====================
It is important what the abused person actually emotionally knows and understands. It is also important to know what is in their own symbolic toolbox. Mine was survival and threat analysis. It was on the order of spider-man kind of stuff. Can you imagine a kid with severe astigmatism and 20/900 vision out on the streets of Clearwater Florida at night in the early 1970's. Not being able to see and yet still navigate safely on a Black motocross bicycle and with a tested IQ of about 70. I'm no Spider man and I pretended to be Batman as a kid.
The kids you may be counseling have their own gifts and talents. They are simply repressed or like in poker kept close to their chests. These abused and tortured souls may not even be aware that they have any gifts or talents. They may be like I was only knowing how bad they are, how unwanted they are, how all they know is pain, suffering and loneliness. If they are with you then it is you to help them even if they are not being responsive as I was not. Yet, I do remember those who tried. The G Group home. The D foster home. The one Clearwater Police cop who removed me from my adoptive family and took me to juvenile jail. That was my first night in foster care in my second state of Florida.
===================
Something sparked a memory for me and the realization of how gratitude and love were absent from me. Oh yea, I was just thinking about my adoptive grand parents who invited me for visits and I would just disappear. Thus, using their place as only a bed and for food. I never thanked them for anything. I was just a bad person back then. That even goes for the teacher which tried to help me and all I offered in return to her was grief. I'm being polite in that "grief" reference. (Miss V.)
Even when I was in foster care. I had no emotions for anyone. Not that I had any understanding of those good and important emotions such as love, mercy and compassion. Let alone kindness and gratitude. To me a child who was almost killed by his adoptive mother several times and nearly starved in shelter and foster homes. I was very underweight and everyone was a threat, not to ever be trusted. So I guess no one really did or if they tried I caused them to feel just how wrong they were to even care about me. Which is what many of these kids may cause you to think and feel. For some deep down they are saving you from even trying as they already know their own inner truth. They are worthless, They are unloved, They are not cared for or even wanted. If you can begin to prove to each one that they have worth and that you actually care. None of which can be expressed with words. Then maybe each one can begin to realize a new truth about who they are and what they are. From those very basic realizations can form into a new foundation in which there was none before. Then out of that foundation can begin hope and a self guided direction within their current interests. Which will evolve into other interests. Maybe, you will even be gifted with a genuine smile. 
=====================

To avert all of the coming bad and sad prophecies. We each must decide to do the following everyday, every hour, every minute and every second.

To Love one another.

To live in peace with everyone.

To exist in harmony with all.

To Cherish all life.

To be obedient to the Laws of God.

To become righteous and holy by the accepting eyes of God only.

==============
At the top right of my blogger page is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired from it. Please help me out with just a little something.  Anything is greatly appreciated and welcomed. 
========================
https://www.patreon.com/mackechnie
========================
Musings of an American Truck Driver books
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0985310308
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
==================================

Time Memories: (Unedited): 01 Dec 2016:

Jehovah is the alpha and the omega, the beginning, ending and everlasting. 

We as human beings ceased to exist less than a second ago and may exist in less than a second from now. All of our past only remains in the memories of those who were present. While all of our hopes and aspirations have yet to begin in every next moment in time to come. 

C.J.MacKechnie

-------------------------------
This may be very obvious to most everyone.
We all exist in this current moment in time and it has already gone. Just like the old movie strips is how we live our life. Which is only when the light of life shines through each of us. Just as what has passed has become dark and the future is yet dark and uncertain still. This is how we experience life. All of our natural senses only work when the light shines through the film of our life for that brief moment. Then all of what has already been lived. Only resides in our memories. Then what is about to be cast into the light is one of three things, Prophetic, probable, possible. Some may even add the forth word which is planned. No matter how much you plan. The film sequence of your life can be altered without any approval from you. Accidents can and do happen. Even those accidents only last for a singular moment in time. Then you are forced to move on. Unless you decide to remain within the confines of your memories. In which I have in order to understand the why's of my youth.
-----------------------------
Remaining in the memories of your own bad and sad. Can and will only perpetuate your overall sadness. Unless you have the strong will to analyze what has happened to you from a position of logic and reason. Even still from the position of logic and reason. You can realize the fact that once I was unloved, un-cared for and unwanted. That once I was deemed unworthy of education. That I was once thought of as dumb, stupid and retarded. Even from that self decided space in your brain of logic and reason. How can you still not be sad, unhappy as well as all of those other negative words??
Really, think about that for a moment. If you were to disassociate yourself from your emotions. Then you suddenly become less than human. Is that really the goal. To become less than or to evolve than what you were a single moment ago. Because, as of right now. The only light which shines upon the old film of your life is that which is only from your memory. The truth of what has happened to you is now gone. Even as the years go by all of those who have done bad and sad things to you. Most likely do not even think of you or the pain they have brought to you. In which you have decided to continue to live through.
I can attest to you. That I have gone through all of the logic. I have spent much time in prayer and tears. I have come to realize two things. It is not the fault of God and bad people do bad things.
Then you have to not expect any kind of apology from bad people. Because, bad people don't really care about anything outside of their own bodies. So don't hold your breath and don't put your life on hold for them either. Because, a good loving relationship with your parents and family. May never ever happen. Just do your best to get yourself into that mental and spiritual place to forgive them in silence and march forward. Begin to build your new family. In which you can become the wise old matriarch or patriarch. That would be the ideal goal? right? To have a family in which they all desire to have a daily personal relationship with one another. A good family with honor, integrity, honesty and morals as some of the foundation stones to your new family.
Even if you do come from a family of ugliness, abuse and torture. From those fires of great torments. Can you become a saved remnant of them which shall all pass away into nothingness. Not even to be worthy of anyone's memories or history. Purpose and meaning is a sign of a bright future. Where as those without purpose or meaning in life will only find nothingness. To merely exist or survive in life is not thriving in life.
So no matter how bad and sad your life has been. Find your hope and hold onto that courage you had which made you to survive. Even if it was only barely survived. Then decide this day. To do more than survive as the victim. Stop being the victim. The victim that you were is now in the past. There is nothing really to understand why? You were only just the body present and if it was not you. Then it would have been someone else, Even a pet. So all of that which you had suffered. It was never ever about you. It was all about them or him or her.
Just know that you were stronger than all of those who did mistreat and abuse you. You were and are victorious. Even if you do not feel like it. Just ask anyone who has ever been in a hard fight and was deemed victorious. How they feel? They feel like they have been in a fight. Sometimes, even when the fight is over. New ones begin. Ask or watch any wounded soldier/warrior. Find your new found strength in them. Even those wounded warriors are just like you. Even if you had not fought a defined enemy in some far away land. Still you had to fight daily to survive as they had to.

==================

At the top right of my blogger page is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired from it. Please help me out with just a little something.  Anything is greatly appreciated and welcomed. 
========================
Musings of an American Truck Driver 
======================================
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http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
======================================== 

Gratitude Seedlings: Unfurled Blessings: Beautiful Weed:(Unedited): 06 July 2016:

By doing more than expressing gratitude of your past. Your thankfulness Shall become those seedlings of a hopeful future to come. 

C.J.MacKechnie

=====================
 it is easy to express thanks without actually feeling the gratitude within you. Especially, when cultural and social expectations almost force/demand you to express thanks for things or when an occurrence for your behalf has been finished.
Can you take gratitude to that next level above cultural or social expectations?
Can you take gratitude to that level where not only are you thankful for all of the good things which have come to you in life but for all of the bad things as well?
Because the good things can make you a stronger or better human being when it was you who had created your own trials and tribulations. What do I mean by this? The person who takes that very difficult class does their personal best with a huge effort and comes out with a "C-". The nonathletic or disabled person who takes a karate class and achieves their highest belt rating. Even if it is not a black belt. The adult person who has spent 10-20 years and finally learns the alphabet. The athlete who does their thing for hours everyday not because they have to but because they have to. Do you understand the difference. There is a difference.
Once you achieve your thing. You become better for it. Are you ready for the ugly.
Those who have been abused and tortured throughout their lives and becomes free of it. First is forgiveness and then the process of being thankful can begin. How can someone forgive a person who repeatedly rapes a young person over much time? That one is tough for me to fathom and yet I can and have forgiven my dead adoptive parents for what they have done to me. I have forgiven those who knew and yet did nothing. I have forgiven those who knew I was a waste of effort or time.
Forgiveness had to be first and more than just words. Even though I had to express forgiveness often and over many years.
All of the bad and sad which occurred in your life and in mine. Was our crucible forced upon us and we survived it all. Granted it may have been by the skin of your/my teeth or by an awful lot of lucky things which happened in unexplained timings. It was all of those unwanted and undesired things which has made you who you are today. Are you better for it? Are you stronger for it? Will you become better from those fires of living in virtual hell all of those years and decades?
Becoming north of 50 Years old. I can say I've become a better human being because of all of the abuses and tortures I have endured in my life. If it wasn't my body it would have been another body.
===================
Unfurled Blessings: (Unedited): 06 July 2016:

So what can happen when after you have genuinely forgiven and have genuinely become thankful of your unfortunate past? Those are two of your own seedlings in which you will have to grow, to cherish, to love, to nourish. Then just wait and see the blessings unfurl like a most beautiful of flower. 

C.J.MacKechnie

Beautiful Weed: (Unedited): 06 July 2016:

Even a unwanted, unloved, and abused weed which has been denied and poisoned from anything positive. Can yet show it's own beautiful flower if the weed just doesn't ever give up. Always show your wonderful beauty in-spite of those who only want to continuously trample you. 

C.J.MacKechnie

=================
Personal Note: I do not believe in "Luck" in any degree. Unexplained spooky good things which is beyond physical and mental awareness can happen for your benefit. Which is reflective of an emotional intelligence behind the unexplained happenings. Which is why a phrase dumb luck can be expressed by unaware and unbelieving people.
 ===============
At the top right of my blogger page is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired from it. Please help me out with just a little something.  Anything is greatly appreciated and welcomed. 
========================
Musings of an American Truck Driver 
======================================
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0985310308
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
======================================== 

Sins Monster: Sin Thief: (Unedited): 23-24 May 2016:

In adversity, persecution and in slavery. Unity can be found.

While the progressive nature of sin grows disunity 

into an out of control apathetic monster.

C.J.MacKechnie

======================
Just like everything we know of about life. There are living babies, then toddlers, kidlings, Pre-teens, teenagers, Young adults, adults, parents and then old people. These are the stages of life and then you die. Sin sort of works the same way. Sin always begins small and easily controllable and manageable. Then they grow into those things which must be kept secret at all costs.
As sin grows and grows. Sin becomes more important than your own flesh and blood family. Sin becomes more important than friends or career. Until, a point is reached where the sin over takes the mind of that person becomes fully in control of life itself. of course no one tells you any of this when you first begin to sin. It's like your first adult or alcoholic drink. But, your funner and cooler to be around. Unless your an anger management drunk. That usually comes later. Once your out of control and the demons begin to influence you or just take you over. Why do you think they call alcohol spirits? Really... No one say your gonna become an alcoholic. You just do. You just learn how to manage your alcoholism. Until you lose your job, your family and the good friends you once had. Now all you have is your bar friends. Who are not really your friends or are only your friends when drinking is involved. The rest of your time is working and being alone until it is time to go to the bar.
Very similar to smoking cigarettes. No one says these will become more important than the health of your children. It just does. Smoking makes you more calm and more at peace. Yes, it does. But it is in the how smoking does that. Smoking tobacco makes you care less. Smoking causes your brain to become apathetic to everything around you. To a degree and that degree of apathy grows with the duration of decades of smoking. Even when a needed thing is needed for the family and yet you buy a pack of cigarettes. Nothing is more important than you cigarettes. That is what they become. Even when your lungs are full of cancer. You still smoke. Until you die. The love from your own family cannot persuade you from smoking. So you die with a cigarette in hand.
Yes, drinking and smoking is a sin against your own physical body and mind.
There are also all kinds of sins and once a person has one sin. Other sins will be desired and developed. A multitude of sins will further push you away from the good people and good things in life. The true meaning of life will become absent from your mind. The true purpose of life will become that undesired side road not taken. You life becomes like a NASCAR track. Left turn, left turn, go fast, cheer, left turn, left turn, go fast, cheer. There is no purpose or meaning to a NASCAR life other than to go faster and faster.
====================
But, what about the adversity, persecution and slavery. Like minded people will find their unity. Until sin is introduced and divisions are made. Such as people who have experienced the same persecution can find common understandings. These things will grow until a sin is discovered in which one or the other cannot accept. Then disunity gains a foot hold and the two who shared similar horrific experiences become divided because of sin. While the two who share the similar persecutions and the same sins. Will go off and become fast friends. Not because of the shared experiences but because of the same sin. It is always about the sin and the sin becomes the cornerstone.
While those without the sin and who focus on their shared and similar persecution. They find meaning. They find understanding. They gain wisdom. They move forward. There is comfort in wisdom and understanding that any bad and sad during a childhood. Was not ever about the child. It would not have mattered if the child was someone else. The abuses and tortures still would have happened to that other one.
This is vastly different than those who embrace sin. The sin becomes the corrupted blood which covers their growing  negativity. This corrupted blood must be poured into and onto the body daily. In order to try and forget or to make it all go away from their mind.

 A man and a woman will marry and find their unity in their children. Those new legalized relationships made from sin cannot ever find true natural unity. As their rewards are purely selfish and cannot be perpetuated naturally.
====================
Sin Thief: (Unedited): 24 May 2016:

Sin is the thief which steals righteousness, wisdom and understanding from you.
C.J.MacKechnie

===================
Note:
It is not my intention to Insult NASCAR or NASCAR fans. Even though I did. I know you NASCAR types are very serious about your racing. Just painting the picture here. Especially, you fans who think that one driver is hotter than your spouse and you would have an intimate relation with them if it were presented to you. Lust is a sin and you don't even have to touch. Or that you hate that one driver for being better than your favorite driver. Hate is a sin and is as is murder. This also includes other wrongful emotions and thinking. Maybe, that e-vile driver will crash in which we will become excited over every crash. How many back in the day cheered Jr.'s crash head on into a wall and then he died. You see now you former Jr. haters keep it secret.
How much beer do you drink while watching NASCAR? Enough to cause you to walk funny or to slur your own speech? Are your children watching you and learning how to become alcoholics by your own example? But, this isn't just about NASCAR. Football, baseball or any other sporting event.
I remember my adoptive mother walking out onto the playing field of my little league baseball game and then passing out on the field. Yea, that was before I went back into Foster care for the second time of my life.
===============

Go and sin no more.

================
To avert all of the coming bad and sad prophecies. We each must decide to do the following everyday, every hour, every minute and every second.

To Love one another.

To live in peace with everyone.

To exist in harmony with all.

To Cherish all life.

To be obedient to the Laws of God.

To become righteous and holy by the accepting eyes of God only.

All without any pride, ego, arrogance, supremacy and entitlements.
==============
At the top right of my blogger page is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired from it. Please help me out with just a little something.  Anything is greatly appreciated and welcomed.  
========================
https://www.patreon.com/mackechnie
======================== 

Musings of an American Truck Driver books
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0985310308
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769

==================================

Under God's Authority: (Unedited): 05 Sept 2015:

This is for those who have been gifted with the ability to write. Since, it is obvious that I'm not gifted in the perfect speech. Which is accepted by everyone who has been educated. 
==================
This is a Christian sign for prophecy.
The prophetic era of Christian persecution has begun with Mrs. Kim Davis. Can you stay in Jail for 18 moths over your faith? Can you stand and face all of your sins from your recent past or even in your current state of being? This is what Mrs. Kim Davis is doing. None of the traditional media outlets have supported her in any way. The Republican politicians have declared their support of this democrat. While the democrats including President Obama have denounced her. This also includes Hilary Clinton.
The evidence of faith which seems obvious may very well make her one of the chosen remnant of God. Which means all of those other professing by only mouth Christians shall be those who God may say to them. "I never knew you". It is not for me to say. It is only for God to choose who is to be a remnant and who is not. This includes me.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7%3A21-23&version=NASB
--------------------------------
Mrs. Kim Davis may be the first who shall be martyred. Can you say for certain that she will not be? Can you say that she will not ever see her freedom? She probably will. But it is evident that the evil U.S. District Conservative Judge David Bunning has put to jail an innocent woman. In which the evil politicians had made laws of man to be superior to the laws of God. This District Judge is at the very least a Pontius Pilate. I'm not stating nor am I implying that Mrs. Kim Davis is a Jesus Christ. Mrs. Kim Davis, may very well lose everything over this.Since even one news story has even declared that she cannot use Go Fund Me website for support.
-------------------------
In order to be a Conservative Republican like this District Judge David Bunning. Do you have to be a Christian? If this District Judge is any way a professing Christian. His lies are now seen through his actions against this woman. How can any person who is a Judge. Make their decision before any evidence is heard or seen? Did this Judge make his decision before court even began. It can be assumed he had as the deputies and the jailers were already present. If this District Judge is a professing Christian how can he honor or even obey any law which is against the laws of his God? or should I say which god?
------------------------
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pontius_Pilate
-----------------------
Mrs. Kim Davis and her imprisonment can be compared symbolically to other persons who were to be disciplined, punished and killed. I'm not implying that Mrs. Kim Davis will be killed.But, when you are surrounded by evil persons. The jail guards cannot protect anyone and cannot guarantee anyone's safety or well being.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel+3
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+23%3A26-43
----------------------
Any law which has been established by any man. Which replaces, Denies or rejects any Law of God. Is not a righteous or truthful law. Nor is it a law which should be honored or obeyed by any righteous person. Even to the death of that righteous person.  To those men and women who agree upon and obey these laws. Even if you do not agree with the laws but still honor them to keep your employment. It is them who can now be easily seen and known to be of genuine evil. This includes any professed Christian who holds any office or works in any place who must obey any anti-godly law written and agreed upon by human beings.
Is it judging to say to a murderer that he is bad and what they do is bad? You can say the same thing about anyone who commits crime. It is a crime of God for anyone to honor, accept, obey any anti-God laws or regulations.
================
Sinners or LGBT persons pretend to be nice, kind, compassionate and merciful. So that you will think a good feeling lie about them. Many LGBT persons are symbolic murders. They are actively murdering their own family names and in the end their genetic lineage of their family. Yet, These symbolic murderers are being accepted into churches and celebrated. They have no intention of converting to Christianity in any way. These LGBT persons are spies for the evil ones.When your at war. Your spies are necessary to gather intelligence about your enemies. Do not think for an instant that this is not a war. For the god of this Earth wants all of humanity to become extinct. This is satans end game. By any means necessary he will do as he thinks he will. satan is the one who leads all of the LGBT community. It matters not if the LGBT person is politically active or not.
So if satan is the leader of all LGBT persons and LGBT persons are welcomed in your church to hold any official church position and they have no intention of ceasing their LGBT lifestyle. Then you and your whole church is of satan. satan is your god. When your are singing those popular non specific Christian songs. Know that you are singing and worshiping satan.
--------------------------
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+37&version=CEB
================
What is happening to Mrs. Kim Davis is only the beginning. As it is evident that the few who are in protest shall be ineffective. It is apparent that there are very few genuine Christians of real substance in Rowan County Kentucky. There are also to few Christians of merit in the whole state of Kentucky. With Kentucky a part of the famed southern Bible Belt. It is also evident that there are to few genuine born again Christians. Just pretenders who are merely associated with the Christian entertainment fan base as well as those who are members of their local christian social club.
There is very little real news about Kim Davis and any news is primarily related to the effects upon the LGBT community. The news also attacks Mrs. Kim as well. Revealing all of her sins prior to her becoming a Christian.
This is prophecy. The LGBT community shall be victorious over all Christians. To the degree that Christian persecution shall involve all manor of jail, loss of employment, abuses, tortures and death.
The entire Christian population must put a stop to this right now or face starvation, homelessness and death.
After the events of Mrs. Kim Davis. The atrocities which shall follow against the entire Christian community. Shall not be heard or seen on any mainstream media outlet. The true devout and righteous ones of God shall be exterminated and none in the general Christian community will care to even know. So as long as they can happily sing and enjoy the entertainment for a couple of hours a week.
In order to be a Christian. This is after you have made the proclamations and have been baptized. You are to go forth in your life to begin to live it righteously and godly as is taught within the Holy Bible. This is by your own free choice. All without fears, threats or intimidation's. You go forth and outwardly exercise all manor of mercy, compassion, kindness, fairness. Not because, you have to but because you want to. Not because your forced to or even expected to but because it is truly the right and most truthful things to do.
Yet, today it seems the gay sons and lesbian daughters show more love and compassion to their sick and dying family members than do the Christian. Even to friends do they support more than a Christian. I've seen it. I've experienced it.
======================
Just because, I post a news article does not mean I'm in agreement with any of them. 
The ugliness of the news media. This is not politics. This is purely about what is right and wrong. This is about how the government is wrong with the passing of evil laws.
http://news.yahoo.com/no-kim-davis-cant-beg-041235821.html
https://gma.yahoo.com/jailed-kentucky-clerk-kim-davis-offers-remedy-same-120304964--abc-news-topstories.html#
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2015/09/02/3698100/kim-davis-hypocritical-theology/
 http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2015/09/04/kim_davis_anti_gay_kentucky_clerk_is_a_gift_to_gay_rights.html
http://www.massresistance.org/docs/gen2/15c/Kim-Davis/index.html
=====================
In order to turn this entire country around. Every political office must have righteous persons in those seats. I think it is to late. The USA is lost. The USA was a republic which became democratic and is now an Oligarchy. The USA is no longer of the people, for the people and by the people.
======================
Steve McDonald "By Law"
https://youtu.be/EkkUlu0Qzh0
===================
Added on 07 Aug 2015:
A woman who has not committed a real crime. Unless if you call going against the political will a crime. Has not been offered the ability to make bail. Either way the precedent will translate nationally for anyone who commits political related crimes. Their are now laws against your conscience. How about that for a loss of freedom. In which you can be imprisoned for an indefinite amount of time. If you are big in investments. Invest in the corporate prison systems. They now have a new revenue source. Devout Christians shall all go to jail because of conscience. Don't expect to make big money. Apparently there is only a remnant of true and faithful Christians who have not been deceived. The rest of Christianity just doesn't care. This is all prophecy. A heartless Christian body which allows an innocent person to rot in jail. 

http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/kentucky-clerk-bail-gay/2015/09/06/id/673857/
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/mike-huckabee-serial-killers-kim-davis
http://www.newstalkflorida.com/conservative-judge-bunning-jailed-kim-davis-without-bail
http://www.newstalkflorida.com/conservative-judge-bunning-jailed-kim-davis-without-bail
http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2015/09/07/mike-huckabee-we-must-stand-with-kim-davis-against-criminalization-of-christianity/
===================
Added on 09 Sept 2015:
http://www.rt.com/usa/314758-kim-davis-released-jail/
https://www.yahoo.com/music/survivor-did-not-grant-kentucky-county-clerk-kim-128671777736.html
===================
Added on 10 Sept 2015:
https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/leading-u.s.-rabbi-i-am-absolutely-jealous-of-kim-davis
http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/live-news/2015/9/rowan-county-clerk-kim-davis-to-return-to-work.html
http://america.aljazeera.com/articles/2015/9/8/cruz-and-huckabee-to-meet-with-jailed-county-clerk-kim-davis.html
================
Added on 11 Sept 2015:
Enslaved Extinction: (Unedited): 11 Sept 2015:

Absolute freedoms begets total enslavement. Which leads to over all extinction.

C.J.MacKechnie

---------------------
Death Parent: (unedited): 15 Sept 2015: 

As death embraces the older parent. They shall gaze into the eyes of their LGBT children and know this is the one who murdered all of me.

C.J.MacKechnie

----------------------
You cannot and will not have any sort of freedom without a self controlled restraint. Free love, like free drugs and free liquor. Ends in the loss of family, freedom, health and welfare. Unnatural sex harms both persons physically, mentally and spiritually. Just as a man or a religious man viewing porn is said he only harms himself. This is the lie. The viewing of porn harms the persons involved in the sex acts being viewed. The viewing of porn harms the wife even though she is or may not be directly or indirectly involved. The viewing of porn harms the children. You must see this truth.
The eventual destruction of the family through sins continuation. So the LGBT life style destroys the whole natural family. As a matter of fact. The LGBT Life style murders the family. The LGBT person has often times separated and isolated themselves from their own family. Only to return as the pretended loving son or daughter who wants to become the last person their dying parent ever sees or think. I have seen this happen many times and have myself been caused to think how nice and loving these LGBT persons are. Especially, if the person dying has minimal or no people to express their love in those last days. The LGBT person may think to themselves that what they are doing is a good thing. But what they are actually doing whether they think of it or not. Is witnessing the extinction of their family name and genetic line. This is worse than a person who just murders you and tries to escape. The Punisher in the movie is satan in our lives. Satan manipulates all of us for our total destruction and extinction. Those of have not the one true God will be influenced, controlled and manipulated by satan. To the point that satan will look through your eyes in the final moments of your parents death. just to witness the final extinction of your family name and  genetic lineage. This is what the end result is to be LGBT.
https://youtu.be/Et3eVcMdxBI
----------------------------
As I've written about in prophecy. The LGBT will be victorious in all that they are to accomplish within this world. Until the coming of God. This is because of the do nothingness of all Christians. The LGBT will win. They will successfully criminalize all of Christianity. They will create a rightful tradition of abuse, torture and the murder of any Christian they see fit. All without any investigation, judgement or prison time. Of course it is not yet. But, it will be. Assuming that Christian on the whole do not put an absolute stop to the LGBT insanity or mental illness which will infect everyone. Mrs. Kim Davis is the first. Unless she does as ordered by the court and marries any and all LGBT persons. Then we all will know that God has been effectively removed from the Bible Belt. This is Prophecy.
===================
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Dangerous Fear: Decided Decision: Every Success: (Unedited): 02 Sept 2015:

There was a time in my life when I feared my dangerous adoptive mother and yet I desperately needed her love. I also had fear for everything and of everyone else. If I was hurt in any way. I would always respond in anger, violence and misdeeds against those persons. Then one day as I was being beaten. I decided to stop screaming and to stop my panic. This started my adoptive mother. She knew in that moment that I will never fear her again. I could never ever verbally explain it better than this. This is from Will Smith in After Earth.
My adoptive mother was the greatest monster in my life. Then after she died when I was 13 and in Foster Care. I became my own monster in my life. I guess I was just so conditioned. That I needed all of that violence, turmoil, panic, desperation, unnecessary risk, drama and all of those other things which just go along with all of that. It was all I knew. It was all I had. Then to give up all of that bad and sad. just left me in the quiet alone. Which just seemed more awful then the physical pains and traumas. I know I'm being vague. Do I really need to be specific here. If you were abused. Then you just know or have a very good idea. This is supposed to be about you as I have already conquered the bad and sad in my life. There was no one there even though I always expected someone to save me and then when a good person did come around. I bit their heads off (Symbolically). Really. That was smart of me (NOT). There is much hope for you. You are stronger than most as you have survived the worst that life can bring to you. Yes, you deeply feel those who you once knew. Who did not survive. Move forward and choose a better more gooder life. In their memory as well. All the way until you forget their names.
===================
Short version. 1:18. https://youtu.be/jgjibFrh0CE
===================
Not as short version: 4:13. https://youtu.be/bgAEHdKuR7Q
==================
 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/After_Earth
===================
How many times did she try to kill me? How many times did she knock me out? I am who I am today because of her. She forced me to either become strong or die. She forced me to choose between giving up or to never ever quit. Harsh? yes. Fair? no. Evil? Absolutely. The essence of all of the abuses and tortures is as I stand here alive or really sitting in a broken pink flowery girlie chair. Contemplating all of this. Not reminiscing in any of those terrible dark memories or reliving any of those depressing and hopeless emotions.  To me all of those memories have become just cold historical evidences of my former life. I am no longer who I was back then. In time you can say the same thing about yourself. Once you make that deep decision. Which changes everything that you are now.
I did make that decision. Even though I could not articulate very much back then and still not able to verbally speak those profound words any better than Will Smith in character.
From that very same action within my own mind. That place so deep where words just become inefficient.
====================
Decided Decision: (Unedited): 02 Sept 2015:

"I decided and from that very decision changed my base mental programming forever."

C.J.MacKechnie

======================
From that one decision. Led to others. No more mind altering anything. No alcohol. No drugs. Just No. All of that brutality, negativity, hate, anger, rejection I grew up with ends with me. Period.
I began searching for more lies and deceptions. Then I reject them all. In the same way I decided not to fear my adoptive mother any more.  I found the openly secret truth of racism and reject it.
I have never hit my children or my wife. This doesn't mean I wont lay several knots of understanding across your forehead if you act stupid in front of me. Please don't. I'm getting to old for that. Oh yea love and peace.
This is for you, The abused people. Find your own victory deep within your core being. Become your own hero and save yourself. Stop being the emotional and helpless victim. Become your own hero and save yourself. Hard words which are harsh. But, somehow and by someway your reading  my words. Nothing is working right and all of the answers are just to impossible for you. Of course they are impossible. That is because you have not acknowledged yourself. Your right to live. Your right to exist. Your right for all that you may want to BE possible. All I ever wanted was a family. Those unspoken words in which I shed many tears into the Gulf of Mexico on Clearwater Beach and Dunedin causeway. I knew I was worthless. I just knew it. I knew I was unwanted by everyone. I knew I had no hope. I knew everything was impossible for me. I knew I was dumb, stupid and retarded. I just knew it. I had no chance and zero opportunities. I knew i would be dead by the time I was 24. I just knew it. So why plan for anything.
Then I saw a poster of Mohamed Ali "I'M Possible". That sat in my mind for a long time. Before I could ever put it into action. I had to first Become my own hero and save myself and so should you. Can you see the difference? From impossible to I'm Possible.
So, what are you going to do now? You have been abused, maybe tortured. You may have been forgotten, rejected in every way. Your family members may have even tried to kill you. Maybe, your abuses that you had to endure were far greater than anything I ever had to endure and yet here you are.
I tell you the truth. You are far more powerful than anyone will ever give you credit for. You endured and survived. Make that decision to no longer be the forever helpless victim. Look into the future of your life and start taking those forward moving steps towards that finish line of your own design.
==================
Every Success: (Unedited): 02 Sept 2015:

Every success you achieve. Every single one.

Shall become your abusers badges of ultimate failures.

For their goal was to destroy you wholly.

Your light they could not extinguish.

They tried and failed.

You're already victorious.

C.J.MacKechnie

======================
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======================================== 

Arrogant Beauty: (Unedited): 2? April 2015:

The arrogant pride of a person. Will prevent him/her from ever knowing true beauty.

C.J.MacKechnie

========================
Being self absorbed with a mindset of being all important. This extreme inward thinking and feeling. Will prevent you from doing anything for anyone or anything without a needed wanted of "What's in it for me" attitude. I guess we all suffer this to a degree. Myself included. What's in it for me? Why must I write? No one really cares about wisdom anymore or even understanding. Only knowledge is good enough. Which puffs you up into all self importance. I wonder sometimes if I would have been that prideful and arrogant person who actually had a fair opportunity for an education. Gone off to college received a degree or three. I mean really. Look at my writing style. It is genuinely awful. But, it is representative of how far I was educated.

-----------------------------------------

Child Abuse Rant. It's April.

https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/

But, my words right now are just reflective and the truth of me. I was born with a boat load of arrogant pride. For many years of my own life I was unable to see any beauty in anything. Maybe, I was still suffering and still trying to grasp why? why me? why them? why not?
It is difficult to transcend years of abuse, torment. Especially, if you have never had any reasonable training in how to handle the psychological damage done to you. After all, I was adopted into it. I was chosen to be abused. Much like some lonely pet whose only constant companion is a chain around their scarred neck and fed every so often to prevent death.
That is the thing about abuse and torture. It never was about the one who is abused. It is always about the abuser. You are and were just the body present. If it weren't you then it would be someone else. This is the essential truth. You the one who was abused was never ever really that important to your abuser. Except for the fact of their confronted embarrassment or their own self absorbed pride which suddenly blames you the who was abused for everything and all of their problems. Really, This happens. Can you imagine being a child and being blamed for their parents alcoholism, drug addictions and cigarette smoking. Every single problem that the abusing parent has originated with their child. Wow, can you imagine a child with that much power and authority.
Many people do not understand the logic behind the abuse of children. To spend the majority of your entire childhood being abused and tortured. Yes, I use the word torture. Because years of abuse is sadistic torture. Then it is expected of that young person to just get over it and get a life. Today, we don't even expect our military to just get over their wars without many years of compassion and mercy. Yet, a child who becomes an adult is expected to just move on. Move on from where? These abused children have nothing positive to begin with. Abused Children have no positive support structure. Abused children are shunned by the community as some kind of reject or untrusted criminal who will rob them. Abused children have no positive family support system. So, where do abused children begin their lives. When the adult business world requires education and references just to gain entry. Abused children have none of that. So where do abused children begin? Typically, on the street. Stealing food just to eat. Thus, begins their life of in and out of jail. Statistically speaking.
========================
Confronted Nine: (Unedited): 27 April 2015:

Baseball, I loved baseball. It is where you stand alone confronted by nine. Who only want to do everything possible to get you out. This is representative of life in general.

C.J.MacKechnie

Another fair opportunity in my life taken from me. I was never really a big strong person. But, I could hit the baseball into the holes and get on base. Then I could run. oh yes, I could run. I felt comfortable on third, playing softball as a young adult. How far would my dream had taken me. Maybe. High school or even college. Who knows. I still love the smell of the clay and the grass.
========================
https://youtu.be/29nIXG5KJYw
https://youtu.be/dJ33e9BK9aU

=======================
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========================

=======================================
Musings of an American Truck Driver 
======================================
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http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
======================================== 

Empty Vessels of Nothingness: (Unedited): 19 March 2015:

Once you refuse to ever be the victim. You will begin to see deeply into the souls of your abusers and know them to be empty vessels of nothingness. 

C.J.MacKechnie

============================
Think about it. How can you ever have a meaningful relationship with those family members who had done your wrong? If you want to stay with your bad family. Then you will have to become just like them or worse become their forever abuse toy.  If you cannot find your courage and remain with your awful family. Then you will lose yourself and any hopes you may have ever had. Your dreams for a better life will become like the mid afternoon fog. What once was has become no more.
It is really tough to leave all that you know and to go on your own with no support system. Think about this. You never had a support system. People who support you do not belittle you, abuse you or even torture you.
So you must be courageous and just leave them all. Do not ever return. No Christmas cards either. No return addresses. No shared email and no phone calls.
In this life. Start with the building of your foundation. This is logical and wise. Your foundation must begin with your education. Your education is crucial for life's advancements. Then continue your education. These are your solid stepping stones in which you can build the life you decide for yourself.
==========================
Think about all of those things in which your bad family has taught to you. You can think negatively about them all or you can think how they have taught you "How to not live your life" and "How to not raise children".  This is positive and helpful. Than the contrary.
==========================
Good people seem to most of the time do good things. Which will seem very alien to you. Even the good persons humor may just not be funny to you. But, Good people tend to support one another and not rip apart each other. Good people are not entertained by you getting harmed in any way. You can find the good people in those good places. Again, those good places may be places you have never been to. All of that goodness may be just odd, weird and very weird. But, do not let that scare you off. Learn how to become a good person. If you really no longer desire to be like your awful family. 
============================
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Pain Depart: (Unedited): 16 March 2015:

That which causes you pain and suffering must depart from you. Before your own natural healing can begin. 

C.J.MacKechnie

==============================
It does not matter what kind of pain you suffer from. Whether it be physical, mental or spiritual. You may even suffer from many pains and sufferings that involve many different parts of your whole being. 
Each and every thing which causes you pain must be removed from you before your natural healing can begin. Even if a body part has become to sick, to injured and to damaged. Then it must be removed so that you can return to good health.
That is key to good health. All that has ever harmed you or has caused you injury. Must be removed from you. This includes all mental and spiritual injuries. No matter how far back they occurred.All of those memories of your abuses and tortures must be released by you. You must let go of all of your old woes and ancient sufferings. Even if they only ended days, weeks or months ago.
For any of your mental and spiritual healing to begin. You must be in control of your own mind. You must not be intoxicated in any way. You must not be drugged up or medicated in any way. You must not even be medicated in any way with mind altering substances. This does include smoking. Smoking even cigarettes is an addictive mind altering substance.
In order for you to make any logical decision based in reason. You must be sober. Being better because of medications, cigarettes, smoking marijuana or having a few nightly drinks. Is not being completely healed or perfectly healthy. You must make that decision to be healed and to become healthy. This is what begins your journey to becoming mentally and spiritually healthy. It is the same with physical health. In order to be physically healthy. You must first remove that which is causing injury or sickness. Makes sense? yes.

============================
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Effects of abuse: (Unedited): 19 Feb 2014:

The children and adults who were in the foster care system. Do, have a life of trials ahead of them. It is not so easy to escape the abuses and tortures of their past. Psychologically there can be healing, growth and evolution within each person. Thus, becoming a more profound human being than if they had been raised in a normal family. (Please do not look deeper into that comment). This type of person is rare.

A person who has been so abused and tortured by their own blood family and yet by some kind of focused determination. They become positively more than they themselves ever even thought was possible or plausible for themselves.

The old physical wounds of the past may even begin to show their ugly heads int the future present. Thus, becomes a new fight for their resolve and character. Even if the physical fight may be lost. There will still be much to learn and much to teach.

For myself. I have endured much physical trauma to my brain as a child. I have left trucking because of those lingering effects in which I could no longer manage safely. Especially when driving an 80,000 pound vehicle. So, today, I am no longer a CDL (Commercial Drivers License) holder.

An event occurred the other day in which is having an impact upon my being.

=======================================

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transient_global_amnesia

==========================================
========================
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Educational Flashback: (Unedited): 15 Nov 2014:

:FLASHBACK:

Incredible Headache right now. Pressure and tension in the back of my neck. I feel heat.
My body is here in this time and Now. But, my mind is back when I was 17 years old. Spring is in full swing in Florida of 1983. Most everyone I knew were all excited about their college prospects and their futures as adults on their own for the first time. Of course I'm writing this with my current adult perspective. But, back then. I didn't understand. I didn't even understand the concept of wearing gowns for graduating. I did not even understand the importance of graduating high school or the symbolic importance of it. After all, most kids have worked hard for 12 years in order to prepare for college and then onto their selected careers.
For me there was no preparation. School was only that something that I had to go to because it was the law. School was a place where I was not welcomed. I have wondered why I was not strong enough to work beyond those limitations that I believed in. That everyone believed in. I was a defective person with an IQ of about 70. I believed it. I was prescribed 50 Mg of Cylert and 50 Mg of Ritalin. I was raised in a house of abuse and torture. I never did any home work and never had to. Yet, I was still passed along. Then those foster care years. Where education was not important at all and every teacher in school didn't expect very much from me. I had a guardian and they all seemed to know that I was a trouble maker. That why kids are in foster care? right? because we have caused all of the problems in our families and our parents could not control us kids. Even though I was adopted. Yea, the adoptive mother told me that she should have never adopted me. So, how could I have even had a fair chance/opportunity for any type of an education? There wasn't.
Back to 1983. That is where my mind still is and I'm coping as I type it.
I knew there was a college and it was called St. Petersburg Junior College. I knew those adults studied something but I wasn't really sure nor was I even aware what for.
Some of those whom I hung out with were going to colleges far away and to Florida State and to other Colleges. They were excited and I felt their excitement and wanted that for myself. So, I talked with my dad and I sent out for information to the University of Alabama's engineering dept. That is what my dad was and where he went to college. So, why not. I had a very deep admiration for him. The respect he garnered from everyone else. He was incredibly intelligent and everyone knew it who worked with him. I could see this and feel it as well. I wanted that for me.
The end of the school year was coming and the beach was calling me. The graduation celebration was going on and ended and I still could not fathom as to why. Some friends were packing up and making more arrangements for after high school. Spending more time with their parents as opposed to going out to Clearwater beach.

Well, A bomb hit me. I had to go to summer school in order to graduate high school. Some class I never took in the ninth grade was a required course and was necessary in order to graduate. No one even caught it. Well, My attitude was. Oh well, i quit.  I'm done with it all. I just don't care. Yes, that is right. I had made that decision over one single class. Well, the dad didn't accept that decision at all and proclaimed that I would go and that I would finish. So, I did. He had never really been forceful with me over anything. This time he made that difference.
So I went to that one ninth grade social studies class and passed it. It was easy and the teacher had mercy upon me.

I received the University of Alabama, School of Engineering welcome and information booklets. I wanted so much to be positively excited about something in my life. Even though I had no clue and no direction. I read everything with anticipation and excitement. The history and going to a school my dad went to as well as the rest of the family. This is the next step in a young persons life and I was clearly seeing it. This leads to more opportunities. Even though I wasn't exactly clear on what that meant.
Then I got to the minimum requirements page and my heart just sank. My high school GPA was a 1.81 something. Which doesn't really qualify you for entry to anywhere let alone a top notch university. What little self esteem I had was lower than ever. I watched people say good bye to their old friends and said goodbye to them as well. Never saw them again.
I would assume they went onto college. Celebrated graduation and entered adulthood with excitement.
Sitting on the living room floor. My dad was quiet and I just threw it all away. I'm useless. Now all of a sudden I'm thinking about my future. The other kids had 12 years to prepare and plan for college and adulthood. I only thought about this for less than 45 days+/-. That quickly I was denied.
My hope was again gone. What little bit of hope I had and I wasn't even aware of and now I'm aware of hope and it was gone. This has been a brutal joke and just accepted that my life would end in some tragedy. Thus ending it all. It would probably be the best thing for my dad if I died. He never really cared as I knew I was an embarrassment to him and yet again I proved it.
So I just went on living my life as I had done. Until, I died. I figured I could not live past 24 years of age.
End of Flashback. Though the head ache is still very painful. Sounds hurt. Lights hurt. The typing rings echoes in my brain.
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:Prophetic Observations:

Back in 1983. A four year college degree would support your family pretty well. With only one parent working. Today, This what I am about to say seems to still be some secret. You now must have and be able to obtain multiple related college degrees. In order to have a comfortable lifestyle. In which both parents must work. In thirty years. These are the changes in which I have witnessed.
I do foresee more education for more advancements and income potential. The day where all you need is a single four year college degree is over. Do not become forty years old with only one singular four year college degree and do not get entrapped with one of those fake college degrees from Phoenix, Devry or ITT type of phony schools.
==================================
Please learn this wisdom and understand it's message. Make those right and correct decisions in your life. Plan your progressing educational future accordingly. Accept this truth that education is forever and is necessary for promotion and more income potentials.
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I am exhausted from this. Back pain and tensions. I work through this one. I do not drink nor take drugs. I do not smoke anything. I do not take any mind altering medications.
When you have much trauma in your life. You just gotta let it flow and learn all you can from those flashbacks. It also, helps to have much hugs while your enduring through them.
You must understand. To take any mind altering medication does not help you through the healing process. It hinders and stops it. Drinking alcohol and smoking also do not help you in healing from what ever trauma in which you have survived. Even if the end results of your trauma is, that there is no logical way or reason as to why you have survived. But you/I did. Because, of that fluke of nature. We must choose to march forward and onward.
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NO EXCUSES for the life you want for yourself tomorrow. Live all of your tomorrows with purpose, focus, determination and meaning. Your not a fluke nor are you an accident.
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At the top right of my blogger page is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired from it. Please help me out with just a little something.  Anything is greatly appreciated and welcomed.  
============================== 

===========================
  “Musings of an American Truck Driver”:
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0985310308
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
===================================

Harsh Life: (Edited): 25 Sept 2014:

The harshness of life is the best test which measures what kind of human being you truly are and have been.  

C.J.MacKechnie

===============
 There is always something to learn about yourself. What have you done in your life? What are you doing now? It is all very important and defines the kind of human being you are today.
It seems the easiness of life breeds weakness and yet at the same time the harshness of life seems to destroy a person. What is in common with those people who seem to have excelled in whichever life has been presented to them? A foster kid who knew not acceptance or love goes on to be a member of an NFL super bowl team. A rich kid has the physical talent of a sport, and yet has no heart for it. A youthful foreigner who knows first hand the life costs of not having an educational opportunity digs deeply into the books of learning. Another youthful foreigner brings with him all of the entrapments of an impossible life to live in a free country and yet continues on as a slave in life.
What does it mean for you and the efforts you have made in this life or have not made? Your life is your fault. Ahhh but, what about my bad and sad childhood? It was really bad and sad and some very unmentionable things were done to me repeatedly. For years this happened and maybe for most of your 18 years of being a child. You have experienced and witnessed some very bad things. What do you do now? How do you go on now? What can you do now? Can you do anything?

!!!Fight!!!

Fight for yourself. Fight for your sanity. Fight for your right to live a decent life. You have all of the tools you need, NOW FIGHT and continue to fight even if there are more setbacks. The devil has already tried to end you, when you were at your most helpless and most innocent. Now you're aware and that, my friend, can be enough to defeat the enemy, any enemy no matter how big and tall they are, no matter how many they may be.
So you survived a child's hell. It was not pretty or pleasant. What did you learn from it? Anything positive? Anything positively revealing about yourself? Maybe that you could still be a responsible mother to your own awful mother? Can you see the strength you had, even through all of your weakness and innocence? Can you see through the fog of anger, hatred and apathy toward everyone who should have saved you? You still must resolve these issues within you in order for you to have a healthy life, a life of genuine well-being and happiness. Happiness is very possible for those who have been tortured and abused for long periods of time. You just have to forgive and to move on. You just have to understand that you were just the present body. That if it were not for your presence, they would have abused and tortured another. All of the abuses and tortures you have endured were never ever about you in any way. It was and always will be about them. I learned this lesson because I had to be adopted into it. If they had gone elsewhere and then adopted, then it would have been someone else and not me. I was just the selected body for them to abuse and to torture. It is that simple. That one realization has helped me greatly.
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The movie Sucker Punch is one of those movies which I liked and hated.  You do have to get over the scantily clad women in order to see the deeper meaning of this movie, which is ugly and abusive. That deep meaning of empowerment and self resolve. What are you willing to do for your freedom? Can you love another in a healthy way as to sacrifice yourself? Is that sacrifice just another definition of freedom?
If you cannot see beyond the physicality of the women then do not watch it. Really. I am not interested in causing cheap and disgraceful thrills in anyone. Life can be ugly and has been for me. Life is and has been much uglier to many of my foster brothers and sisters than I could have ever survived.
This movie is about rape from a step-father. Accidental murder. Abandonment. Prostitution as displayed as cleanly as possible. Disillusions and fantasy. Mental illness. Many different kinds of abuses.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sucker_Punch_%282011_film%29
--Samurai Fight Scene------linked fixed 12 June 2017----
https://youtu.be/rD6HagsWk8A
====================
Added on 15 May 2016: TobyMac
https://youtu.be/MX1G71WK-FA
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It is tough to have all of those dark and torturous memories freely floating at the forefront of your thinking. Hopefully the abusers and those who had tortured you are out of your life. I hope you never return to them unless some very clear and profound changes occur within each of them.
But what of you? How will you go forward into the unknown, not being able to trust? You just have to soldier onward. You have to crush and destroy all of the negativity within you. Yes, it is possible. Yes, you can have a normal life. You just have to realize that all of the negativity, all of the abuses, all of your sufferings were not created by you or caused by you. All of those bad and sad memories were given to you by evil people who had done you a great wrong. This is why you should let all of that go. None of that bad stuff originated from you. It was all outside of you, all without your permission. So now by your own permission tell all of those bad and sad memories that they belong to someone else and they will no longer have power over you any more. Empower yourself to go and get your college education, to stop using all mind-altering intoxicants, to begin to create new and wonderful memories that you want to have within your own mind.
Your memories are your own and of your own creation.
Just watching a hundred sunsets and a hundred sunrises will offset some bad and sad memories.
Taking a hundred walks in parks will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
Watching a hundred funny movies will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
Learning something new and developing the new skill will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
Volunteering to be of service to others will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
Continuing your education will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
These are just the beginnings to a new you and they will only cover over your bad and sad memories. The final decision is all within you. If you assign those bad and sad memories importance or give them control over your life, then they shall. It will not matter how many good and happy memories you create if you consider the good to have a low value within you. You have to decide for yourself. No one can do it for you. You have to face your internal demons and conquer them. All of them. If you're reading this and you are safe now, then move forward as a good soldier. Fight for yourself, your sanity and your life. You are and have always been worth it, no matter the untold thousands of times those evil people whom you loved told you awful and hurtful things. Always remember every success you have is a failure to them who did you wrong. Seek no revenge even though all of your successes shall be nails within their own coffins. For they could not conquer you.
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Added on 22 April 2015: http://www.cacofony.com/
http://www.cacofony.com/what-does-it-mean-for-you-and-the-efforts-you-have-made-in-this-life-or-have-not-made
This work has been published on cacofony.com
Thank You guys very much.
===================
Edited on 12 June 2017:
========================
At the top right of my blogger page is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired from it. Please help me out with just a little something.  Anything is greatly appreciated and welcomed.
============
Musings of an American Truck Driver 
=================
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0985310308
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
==================