Bad Memory: Their Abuse: (Unedited): 21 Sept 2015:

Bad things happen and this sadness can inflict our souls to the point where we continually remain within the perpetual memory of those bad things. Thus, we may never grow or evolve from them.

C.J.MacKechnie

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 A bad and terrible thing has happened. maybe, this bad and terrible has happened to you. Maybe there is an infinite number of bad and terrible things which has happened to you. What do you do? Where do you go from here? How do you resolve them?
What if you think your at fault? Well are you?
It is difficult to live the life you have had. But, the longer you choose to remain within those bad and sad memories of the past. Also, means that the joy and happiness you so desperately want and need will also not be possible or just fleeting. So how can you obtain joy and happiness after have suffered through years or decades of abuse and torture? Well, are you reading this? I cannot say that I know your pain and what you have gone through. But, I do know this. If you are free of the abuse and tortures. Then. You have been victorious and your abusers and torturers have lost and failed in their miserable actions of you.
I have spent decades trying to figure out why? There is a reason why the answers are not easy to reason. Because, there isn't any reason why anyone should be abused or tortured. If you were abused and tortured. Then none of it was ever your fault. You were just the body present. That is all. You could have been someone else and they would have been the ones who endured all that you have had to. Except they may have been the ones who died.
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Their Abuse: (Unedited): 21 Sept 2015:

Your abuse and torture was never meant to be yours. It was always theirs.

C.J.MacKechnie

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A gift is not something you ever have to accept. You can be nice and friendly. But, you don't have to accept all gifts given to you. Just like the gifts of abuse and torture. You can refuse to accept these gifts from black hearts of wrath and hate. Just refuse them and deny their acceptance into your being.  You do not ever have to accept any ugly memory into the home of your soul. 
By you making your abuses and tortures your own. You are accepting of those unwanted and unasked for actions done to you. All that has ever been done to you. Was always because of those who had done those bad and terrible things to you. You were not ever at fault. Nor were you ever deserving of those bad and terrible things done to you. 
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Those persons who had done those bad and sad things to you. Would not have had any remorse or guilt if you had died. They would have felt great fear of getting into trouble. There is a distinction. maybe, they would have felt bad that you died. Because, now they have no one to endure their own internal wrath and hatred of life. In which your represented the hope of a good life. You still do. But, now for yourself and for the family you can now create without any abuse or tortures to be endured.
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How is it again? That you are victorious when you don't feel victorious. It is always like that after any great battle. The ugliness still fresh in your mind. But, right now is that key time in your life. You do not need or you should not want to blame yourself or to even own those memories. You are not to blame. no matter how many thousands of time you were made to be the blame. By keeping and holding onto those memories will block the creation of you choosing to make good and peaceful memories full of love, happiness and joy. 
So, put all of your bad and sad memories into the trash and put the trash to the curb. Just think about that for a moment. All that we have ever used is placed into the trash and remembered no more. Do you still think about the trash you threw away? ever?
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https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+5%3A17&version=KJV
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At the top right of my blogger page is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired from it. Please help me out with just a little something.  Anything is greatly appreciated and welcomed. 
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https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ezekiel+2&version=NASB
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Musings of an American Truck Driver 
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http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
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Dangerous Fear: Decided Decision: Every Success: (Unedited): 02 Sept 2015:

There was a time in my life when I feared my dangerous adoptive mother and yet I desperately needed her love. I also had fear for everything and of everyone else. If I was hurt in any way. I would always respond in anger, violence and misdeeds against those persons. Then one day as I was being beaten. I decided to stop screaming and to stop my panic. This started my adoptive mother. She knew in that moment that I will never fear her again. I could never ever verbally explain it better than this. This is from Will Smith in After Earth.
My adoptive mother was the greatest monster in my life. Then after she died when I was 13 and in Foster Care. I became my own monster in my life. I guess I was just so conditioned. That I needed all of that violence, turmoil, panic, desperation, unnecessary risk, drama and all of those other things which just go along with all of that. It was all I knew. It was all I had. Then to give up all of that bad and sad. just left me in the quiet alone. Which just seemed more awful then the physical pains and traumas. I know I'm being vague. Do I really need to be specific here. If you were abused. Then you just know or have a very good idea. This is supposed to be about you as I have already conquered the bad and sad in my life. There was no one there even though I always expected someone to save me and then when a good person did come around. I bit their heads off (Symbolically). Really. That was smart of me (NOT). There is much hope for you. You are stronger than most as you have survived the worst that life can bring to you. Yes, you deeply feel those who you once knew. Who did not survive. Move forward and choose a better more gooder life. In their memory as well. All the way until you forget their names.
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Short version. 1:18. https://youtu.be/jgjibFrh0CE
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Not as short version: 4:13. https://youtu.be/bgAEHdKuR7Q
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 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/After_Earth
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How many times did she try to kill me? How many times did she knock me out? I am who I am today because of her. She forced me to either become strong or die. She forced me to choose between giving up or to never ever quit. Harsh? yes. Fair? no. Evil? Absolutely. The essence of all of the abuses and tortures is as I stand here alive or really sitting in a broken pink flowery girlie chair. Contemplating all of this. Not reminiscing in any of those terrible dark memories or reliving any of those depressing and hopeless emotions.  To me all of those memories have become just cold historical evidences of my former life. I am no longer who I was back then. In time you can say the same thing about yourself. Once you make that deep decision. Which changes everything that you are now.
I did make that decision. Even though I could not articulate very much back then and still not able to verbally speak those profound words any better than Will Smith in character.
From that very same action within my own mind. That place so deep where words just become inefficient.
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Decided Decision: (Unedited): 02 Sept 2015:

"I decided and from that very decision changed my base mental programming forever."

C.J.MacKechnie

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From that one decision. Led to others. No more mind altering anything. No alcohol. No drugs. Just No. All of that brutality, negativity, hate, anger, rejection I grew up with ends with me. Period.
I began searching for more lies and deceptions. Then I reject them all. In the same way I decided not to fear my adoptive mother any more.  I found the openly secret truth of racism and reject it.
I have never hit my children or my wife. This doesn't mean I wont lay several knots of understanding across your forehead if you act stupid in front of me. Please don't. I'm getting to old for that. Oh yea love and peace.
This is for you, The abused people. Find your own victory deep within your core being. Become your own hero and save yourself. Stop being the emotional and helpless victim. Become your own hero and save yourself. Hard words which are harsh. But, somehow and by someway your reading  my words. Nothing is working right and all of the answers are just to impossible for you. Of course they are impossible. That is because you have not acknowledged yourself. Your right to live. Your right to exist. Your right for all that you may want to BE possible. All I ever wanted was a family. Those unspoken words in which I shed many tears into the Gulf of Mexico on Clearwater Beach and Dunedin causeway. I knew I was worthless. I just knew it. I knew I was unwanted by everyone. I knew I had no hope. I knew everything was impossible for me. I knew I was dumb, stupid and retarded. I just knew it. I had no chance and zero opportunities. I knew i would be dead by the time I was 24. I just knew it. So why plan for anything.
Then I saw a poster of Mohamed Ali "I'M Possible". That sat in my mind for a long time. Before I could ever put it into action. I had to first Become my own hero and save myself and so should you. Can you see the difference? From impossible to I'm Possible.
So, what are you going to do now? You have been abused, maybe tortured. You may have been forgotten, rejected in every way. Your family members may have even tried to kill you. Maybe, your abuses that you had to endure were far greater than anything I ever had to endure and yet here you are.
I tell you the truth. You are far more powerful than anyone will ever give you credit for. You endured and survived. Make that decision to no longer be the forever helpless victim. Look into the future of your life and start taking those forward moving steps towards that finish line of your own design.
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Every Success: (Unedited): 02 Sept 2015:

Every success you achieve. Every single one.

Shall become your abusers badges of ultimate failures.

For their goal was to destroy you wholly.

Your light they could not extinguish.

They tried and failed.

You're already victorious.

C.J.MacKechnie

======================
 At the top right of my blogger page is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired from it. Please help me out with just a little something. Anything is greatly appreciated and welcomed. 
=======================================
Musings of an American Truck Driver 
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http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0985310308
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
======================================== 

Unclean Beauty: Beauty Gift: (Unedited): 17 March 2014:

From a distance a beautiful woman and a handsome man are exactly as they appear to be. That is until they each come closer and you begin to discover the unclean ugliness within. 

C.J.MacKechnie

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Think about this. How many times have you seen that beautiful woman or handsome man and only discover how terrible of a person they are. Such as most of those Hollywood types.
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Beauty Gift: 18 March 2014:

A person may have the genetic gift to be physically beautiful. But, poor lifestyle choices, ugly attitudes and bad behaviors will shorten the gift of physical beauty. 

C.J.MacKechnie
======
At the top right of my blogger page is a donate button for PayPal. If you liked this blog, were inspired from it. Please help me out with just a little something.  Anything is greatly appreciated and welcomed. 
========
Musings of an American Truck Driver 
=============
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0985310308
http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1477629769
============

Corrupt Change: (Unedited): 15 March 2013:

A corrupt entity who makes a Superficial change, to alter a dire prophecy about themselves. Essentially only changes the name of the last one to lead them into their final destruction. C.J.MacKechnie

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Terrible pride will cause them to persecute the prophet of the prophecy for being wrong. They are wrong in their deeds. It is the duty for every person to alter any prophecy which is deemed undesirable. It is the duty for every person to cause any positive prophecy to happen in a timely manor.

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Supposed to be vague. Only for those who are in the know.

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Life Storms: (Unedited): 11 June 2010:

Even during the rain storms of life. Something good and positive can be found if searched. 

C.J.MacKechnie
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If you are reading this and your life has been hell. Then know right this very moment. Your a survivor. Your a conqueror. Your victorious. Yes, You do not feel like one. Neither did I. But, never the less you are. Yes, the abuses and tortures you have endured were evil, bad and terrible. Yet, here you are reading this goofy quote.  Of all of the hell you have had to endure. Your strength and will defeated those who tried to end you. Your strength and will to live is proof that you won. I do understand, what I am trying to prove to you. I did not feel strong let alone a winner. I felt very much the opposite.
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No matter what you have already endured in this life. Even if you think and believe that all this life has ever been is Hell on Earth. There always is something positive to learn. Even if it is a simple positive thing that people can smile at in a weird way. Such as for me. "It is not good to try and kill your adopted son (me)". I know that was probably a failed attempt at humor. That is a basic lesson to learn. It is not good to kill your children, to abuse your children, to torture your children and etc.
There are about 500,00 kids in foster care every single year in the USA and the majority of those kids have parents who did not know that one simple truth and still don't. 
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Search for those positive good things which are within you. You are of great value and importance. 

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You are worthy of the life you know you should have. You can give to your own children the life you always ever wanted. make the effort and make it happen.

Unique Scheme: (Unedited): 21 Nov 2006

Within the grand scheme of things resides a billion billion elements. One fault or error can cause the big picture to be terribly flawed or become beautifully unique. C.J.MacKechnie

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NOTE: The decision is yours to make, terrible? or beautiful?. Your mindful and prepared efforts creates the final outcome in any endeavor. If you are not mindful or prepared the end results of anything will be less than desirable.