There is always something to learn about yourself. What have you done in your life? What are you doing now? It is all very important and defines the kind of human being you are today.
It seems the easiness of life breeds weakness and yet at the same time the harshness of life seems to destroy a person. What is in common with those people who seem to have excelled in whichever life has been presented to them? A foster kid who knew not acceptance or love goes on to be a member of an NFL super bowl team. A rich kid has the physical talent of a sport, and yet has no heart for it. A youthful foreigner who knows first hand the life costs of not having an educational opportunity digs deeply into the books of learning. Another youthful foreigner brings with him all of the entrapments of an impossible life to live in a free country and yet continues on as a slave in life.
What does it mean for you and the efforts you have made in this life or have not made? Your life is your fault. Ahhh but, what about my bad and sad childhood? It was really bad and sad and some very unmentionable things were done to me repeatedly. For years this happened and maybe for most of your 18 years of being a child. You have experienced and witnessed some very bad things. What do you do now? How do you go on now? What can you do now? Can you do anything?
So you survived a child's hell. It was not pretty or pleasant. What did you learn from it? Anything positive? Anything positively revealing about yourself? Maybe that you could still be a responsible mother to your own awful mother? Can you see the strength you had, even through all of your weakness and innocence? Can you see through the fog of anger, hatred and apathy toward everyone who should have saved you? You still must resolve these issues within you in order for you to have a healthy life, a life of genuine well-being and happiness. Happiness is very possible for those who have been tortured and abused for long periods of time. You just have to forgive and to move on. You just have to understand that you were just the present body. That if it were not for your presence, they would have abused and tortured another. All of the abuses and tortures you have endured were never ever about you in any way. It was and always will be about them. I learned this lesson because I had to be adopted into it. If they had gone elsewhere and then adopted, then it would have been someone else and not me. I was just the selected body for them to abuse and to torture. It is that simple. That one realization has helped me greatly.
The movie Sucker Punch is one of those movies which I liked and hated. You do have to get over the scantily clad women in order to see the deeper meaning of this movie, which is ugly and abusive. That deep meaning of empowerment and self resolve. What are you willing to do for your freedom? Can you love another in a healthy way as to sacrifice yourself? Is that sacrifice just another definition of freedom?
If you cannot see beyond the physicality of the women then do not watch it. Really. I am not interested in causing cheap and disgraceful thrills in anyone. Life can be ugly and has been for me. Life is and has been much uglier to many of my foster brothers and sisters than I could have ever survived.
This movie is about rape from a step-father. Accidental murder. Abandonment. Prostitution as displayed as cleanly as possible. Disillusions and fantasy. Mental illness. Many different kinds of abuses.
--Samurai Fight Scene------linked fixed 12 June 2017----
Added on 15 May 2016: TobyMac
It is tough to have all of those dark and torturous memories freely floating at the forefront of your thinking. Hopefully the abusers and those who had tortured you are out of your life. I hope you never return to them unless some very clear and profound changes occur within each of them.
But what of you? How will you go forward into the unknown, not being able to trust? You just have to soldier onward. You have to crush and destroy all of the negativity within you. Yes, it is possible. Yes, you can have a normal life. You just have to realize that all of the negativity, all of the abuses, all of your sufferings were not created by you or caused by you. All of those bad and sad memories were given to you by evil people who had done you a great wrong. This is why you should let all of that go. None of that bad stuff originated from you. It was all outside of you, all without your permission. So now by your own permission tell all of those bad and sad memories that they belong to someone else and they will no longer have power over you any more. Empower yourself to go and get your college education, to stop using all mind-altering intoxicants, to begin to create new and wonderful memories that you want to have within your own mind.
Your memories are your own and of your own creation.
Just watching a hundred sunsets and a hundred sunrises will offset some bad and sad memories.
Taking a hundred walks in parks will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
Watching a hundred funny movies will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
Learning something new and developing the new skill will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
Volunteering to be of service to others will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
Continuing your education will offset some of the bad and sad memories.
These are just the beginnings to a new you and they will only cover over your bad and sad memories. The final decision is all within you. If you assign those bad and sad memories importance or give them control over your life, then they shall. It will not matter how many good and happy memories you create if you consider the good to have a low value within you. You have to decide for yourself. No one can do it for you. You have to face your internal demons and conquer them. All of them. If you're reading this and you are safe now, then move forward as a good soldier. Fight for yourself, your sanity and your life. You are and have always been worth it, no matter the untold thousands of times those evil people whom you loved told you awful and hurtful things. Always remember every success you have is a failure to them who did you wrong. Seek no revenge even though all of your successes shall be nails within their own coffins. For they could not conquer you.
Added on 22 April 2015: http://www.cacofony.com/
This work has been published on cacofony.com
Thank You guys very much.
Edited on 12 June 2017:
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Musings of an American Truck Driver